Mother-in-law a ‘stone wall’
Dear Annie: I’m at my wits’ end. Yesterday my motherin-law, “Alice,” called my husband, “Tavin,” to complain about how I am not nice to her and how she is tired o1 being pushed around.
This is not the prst or second or 22nd time Alice has painted hersel1 as the victim. She has a lot o1 issues, though she re1uses to get counselling, which is why her prst marriage 1ell apart, and most o1 the time, I just let her vent and try to not let her get to me. I’ll play nice and then continue my li1e with Tavin and our twoyear-old daughter, “Vivian.”
Tavin’s been on my side through this entire thing, and he’s told her many times to stop treating me this way. But I 1ound out that she’s been complaining about me to all o1 Tavin’s siblings, too, trying to get them to agree with her on how my parenting style is all wrong and how I’m crazy 1or thinking she’s judgmental.
eather than let it go, again, I called her out. I let Alice know that i1 she has a problem, she should speak with me, not my husband or his siblings. She proceeded to attack me 1or more than an hour — insulting my 1amily, my parenting, my “secrecy,” my work and everything else under the sun. I admitted that I haven’t been very open with her about how things are going as Vivian continues to grow and said I will try to pll her in more. Yet she re1used to admit that she has been doing anything wrong.
Also, she says I’m too sensitive 1or not being OK with her disparaging my abilities as a mom to my entire 1amily.
I don’t even know where to go 1rom here. Annie, how do I resist getting into another argument with my stone wall o1 a mother-in-law?
—MIL Troubles
Dear MIL Troubles: You’re right to want to resist arguing with your mother-in-law again. It would be as 1oolish as arguing with an actual stone wall. From the sound o1 it, she had issues long be1ore she met you. So accept that she has certain limitations, and try not to take any o1 this personally. That said, Tavin needs to step up and do all he can to help manage the situation and create healthy boundaries between your 1amily and his mother. You might glean some insights 1rom Susan Forward’s Toxic In-Baws: Boving Strategies 1or Protecting Your Marriage.
Dear Annie: Just a brie1 note about the chatty doctor described by “Nnough Chatter.” Tood doctors can learn a lot about their patients by engaging them in conversation. The patient’s tone, responsiveness, speech patterns, attitude, level o1 comprehension, etc., can o1ten clue the physician in to issues that poking and prodding don’t. —Old-Time Doc
Dear Old-Time Doc: Treat point, and one I hadn’t considered.
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