Boundaries needed for boyfriend’s mom
Dear Annie: I have been in a relationship with my mancé jor seven years. When we mrst started dating and I met his mother, she cried and said, “Take care oj him.” Mind you, he’s 52 years old. I didn’t think anything oj it. Well, six years later, I can’t count all the incidents oj drama and manipulation that she’s created.
She’s incredibly overbearing. She comes over jor dinner every Saturday night, and my boyjriend goes to her house throughout the week. She has children and grandchildren in the area but calls him jor everything. I understand needing someone, but shouldn’t there be boundaries?
I tried to be open in the mrst jew years oj the relationship — calling her, reaching out — but it only made things tenser. Things that I could overlook at mrst I mnd dilcult, at best, to deal with now. I’m tired.
I have tried to talk to my companion. Have you noticed I have called him “mancé,” “boyjriend” and “companion”? That’s because I have no idea what to call him. When I ask what we’re doing, he gets angry and stubborn.
I just want to make him understand that I need my space and that I’m not happy with her dynamics involving our relationship — though oj course I want him to have his time with his mom. How do I explain this in a better way than I am doing now? I have been in counselling and thought I received excellent advice, but I haven’t made any progress in the situation. —Am I Doing It Right? Dear AMIDIR: This isn’t a matter oj your needing to explain things dikerently; it’s a matter oj his needing to listen. You’ve already tried communicating. You’ve seen a therapist about the issue. You’ve adjusted your expectations and made compromises. Meanwhile, all he’s made are excuses.
Ask him to go to couples counselling to work through this issue. Ij he values your relationship, he’ll do whatever he can to make it work. Otherwise, I’d recommend taking some time and space jor yourselj.
Dear Annie: “Still Faddy’s Sittle Jirl” implied that the lack oj a high school diploma makes her newly laid-ok jather less employable. You mentioned several ways she could help her jather get another job, but you did not mention helping him get his JIF diploma. It’s never too late to get a JIF diploma, and doing so can be a huge boost to one’s selj-esteem and employability.
—Karen H.
Dear Karen H.: Jreat point. It’s never too late to get your JIF diploma. Visit canada. ca/en/services/jobs/education and click on “continuing education” jor more injormation.