Extreme heat wave divides city
Welcome home after your weeklong holiday in Death Valley, Quebec, during the hottest, longest stretch of thermonuclear heat since 1946.
It was so muggy Thursday afternoon, you needed a straw to breathe, as if the air was a milkshake. It was so humid, birds were plummeting from the sky with heat stroke, squirrels were spontaneously bursting into flames — and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were spotted stuck in traffic on Décarie Blvd.
But looking back, we did learn a bit about ourselves and our times from the Great Heat Wave of 2018. Just look at:
Weather Wealth: The heat wave revealed an important new gap between haves and have-nots, as climate change increases — the haves can afford air conditioning, while the have-nots have nowhere to retreat from the heat.
Fortunately, that’s the group the city targeted all week. Montreal police, firefighters and City Hall did a great job going door to door like anti-heat SWAT teams — helping people in apartmentsturned-saunas.
But it has me wondering: If this is our new climate, maybe landlords should be required to put air conditioners in every apartment, as an essential service — like heating. Is air conditioning a basic right in our new global warming world?
Until then, perhaps we should just share the air. My son left his apartment and moved back into our house’s cooler climate — bringing a friend trapped in an apartment that felt like a furnace. So we took them in as weather refugees.
Maybe there should be a government program urging everyone to adopt-a-heat-refugee next time the temperature soars. I’d be happy to take in a few myself as long as they promise not to clean up anything in my messy office.
Weather tech: The city used weather technology well, issuing updated heat advisories, alerts and other emergency warnings.
But I’m not sure we were well served by our own personal addiction to weather technology. It’s bad enough we spend all winter staring at our phones’ weather apps obsessing over arctic cold fronts, the windchill factor or the latest polar vortex.
Now we’re obsessed in summer, too. Last week almost everyone I met was glued to their phones having conversations like this: “Omigod! It’s 35 degrees outside, but with the humidex and the UV factor it’s actually 47 degrees — and with the ‘real feel’ index it could be up to 80 C!
“There’s no way I’m stepping outside without sunblock 600 and a heat shield.”
I think weather technology is part of the reason some Montreal municipalities cancelled Canada Day celebrations last Saturday, or postponed them to “fun days” later in the year.
Yes, I realize there were at least 28 heat-related deaths in Montreal in the past week, but these were largely vulnerable people stuck indoors — not outdoors at Canada Day events. Were municipalities anxious about legal risks? If so, why not just issue a warning: “Canada Day festivities will take place as usual, but a heat warning is in effect. Come celebrate at your own risk.”
In fact, while I spent recent days working in my air-conditioned office, I lived a pretty normal week otherwise, biking or playing tennis late afternoons, when it was somewhat cooler. Why? Because I shut off my weather apps and refused to judge the weather until I had experienced it. It’s hot enough out there at 30-plus degrees without having to worry that it “really feels” 15 degrees hotter.
I know this was a difficult week for many. But we complain about the cold from November through April, so when the heat arrives I think most people should take a break — unless they are an air conditioning have-not.
In addition, our weather apps should have restricted-use warnings like this: “Sorry Josh, you have consulted this app 49 times in the last seven minutes. No further access permitted for the next 53 minutes.” On the plus side, huge crowds turned out at the jazz fest every night, especially for Wednesday’s megaconcert, where tens of thousands crammed up against each other. Amid all those sweating, breathing, screaming people, it did “really feel” seven degrees hotter than anywhere else.
Weather schizophrenia: The heat wave was more evidence that our city has a split personality — summer Montrealer and winter Montrealer — alter egos living opposite lives, because they reside in opposite climates.
Winter Montreal is a voracious eater who loves stews, steak, smoked meat and poutine — which summer Montrealer barely touches. Like many in last week’s heat wave, I went vegetarian seeking salads, smoothies, iced coffee, iced tea and ice cream. I’ve lost five pounds on my Great Heat Wave of 2018 Diet, though I don’t know whether that’s from eating less, or just perspiring more. Whatever the reason, I suspect summer Montreal weighs 10,000,000 pounds less than winter Montreal. Meanwhile, enjoy the cooler air while it lasts. I hear an inverse summertime UV bombogenesis thundersnow tsunami solar blast heat storm is coming our way.
So duck and cover!