MOVING ON MEANS REMEMBERING BOTH HAPPY AND PAINFUL TIMES
The older I get the more I realize how little I know or understand. Maybe this is wisdom. I believe that it is OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. I have learned a lot over the years. One of the things I have learned to do is to let go and move on. As someone who doesn’t give up easily, and will try every last possible option and then some, this is probably one of the hardest lessons I have learned. One of the things that is hard about letting go is that the past has formed you and you want to be respectful and mindful of that. As victims and descendants of some of the most scarring and devastating events in our past will be quick to point put, if we do not embrace our history and learn from it, it is destined to repeat itself. So it is a delicate balance. Remembering. Moving on. Starting fresh. The loss of my daughter 21 years ago, at the tender age of a month, is something I will never forget, nor do I want to. Her pink skin and baby smell are forever emblazoned in my very core and she is as much my child as my two boys who have grown to be young men. I often think of how she would look today and what she might say or do. Sometimes I talk to her and listen for the advice she might give me and try to act in a way that would make her proud. It doesn’t rule my life as it did in the early, raw days following her loss, but it has shaped me and I do not want to forget. Moving on means remembering both the happy and the painful times, and taking the lessons we can from both of these, but not letting them prevent us from doing the best we can today and tomorrow. Each day is a gift. Tara taught me that. So I honour her memory and treasure the life I have today. When I was a pregnant young woman who had just lost a child and learned that her unborn baby as well as her three-year old son might also have a lifethreatening genetic condition, I learned that life can always get worse, even when you think you have hit rock bottom. It was a hard lesson that has served me well in life. This year, I remembered the date of my daughter’s passing by collecting 21 soft, white seagull feathers from the beach where I last walked with her in my arms. As I released them from by the lake in Pointe-Claire where she was born, I thanked her for the joy she brought and the lessons she taught me in her all-too-brief life. I thought of how incredibly blessed I am to live in the West Island and in Canada where my biggest complaints are about things like traffic and hockey drafts and taxes. I recently heard the quote “Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better.” So true. Suzanne Korf is a professional fundraiser who has worked for nonprofit organizations for more than 25 years. She is a senior director of development for the Montreal Children’s Hospital Foundation. She is a mother of two and a resident of Pointe-Claire since 1991.