Wanting to make amends

dear annie: as A college student with no job, I made the joolish decision to sign A lease with A jriend to move in together. ajter she made the down payment, I realized there was no way I could akord it and backed out oj the lease, leaving my jriend about $675 in the hole. she was naturally upset, and my stupid and sellsh act ended our jriendship.

now, more than 30 years later, I want to make amends. I think I jound her on facebook. should I send her A private message and let her know that I want to send her A cheque or write A letter and send it to her place oj employment? I want to make sure it is her, but i’m pretty sure it is.

I have hurt many people over the years with my sellshness, and this is one oj the worst things I have ever done. please tell me the best way to make it right. I plan to send much more than $675, by the way. thank you in advance jor your help, annie. this has been weighing heavily on me. —Making Amends

dear making amends: so you made A mistake in college. join the club! please don’t be so hard on yourselj. you rejer to yourselj as A “sellsh person,” but it is obvious you care deeply about others the opposite oj A sellsh person. messaging her on facebook and sending her A cheque would be A kind and thoughtjul gesture, and I encourage it. try not to look jor A response. ij you don’t hear back, be satisled you have made amends. however, the likelier scenario is that she will reach out — in shock and surprise — and you might rekindle your jriendship. even ij nothing happens, making amends is important, in and oj itselj, when we are changing our behaviour.

dear annie: I want more people to realize the importance in naming A child. nicknames are the problem. why do parents give A child A name they have chosen and then call him or her something completely dikerent? A parent names A child wobert but calls him BOB or BOBBY or wob. why? or A parent names A girl margaret and then calls her maggie. why? this method has been A problem in my jamily jor years. I recommend choosing A name jor A child and then calling him or her the name on the birth certilcate to avoid A lijetime oj conjusion.

—wife of “bud,” who is really joseph, in kentucky

dear wife of “bud”: personally, I like nicknames — as long as they’re not cruel. I think they connote intimacy, jriendship and warmth.

interestingly, you can trace the word “nickname” back to the middle english term “ekename” (meaning, roughly, “additional name”), lrst used around 1300 — meaning the practice oj giving people names other than the ones they’re born with is at least 700 years old. wegardless oj how either oj us jeels about them, they’re not going anywhere any time soon.