The real man came out after we got married
Dear Annie: I have been married gor one year to a classmate whom I reconnected with at our 50th high school class reunion. While he was courting me, he seemed pergect. He spent money on me, bought loving cards, bought iowers, took me to restaurants and gancy hotels. You get the picture. He continued to court me until I agreed to marry him. It wasn’t too long agter we married that I noticed him getting up in the night to watch TV. When I would enter the room, he would switch channels. I got wise and started checking the “recently viewed” section and saw that he’s watching porn. I called him out on it, but he doesn’t seem to think it’s any big thing. I think it is horrible, and I was raised to think it is singul. I’m hurt, but what am I to do?
He also started buying me airplane tickets to go visit my elderly mother, saying he wishes he had visited with his own mom more while she was alive. Aut I got wise again and shared his phone location with mine and saw that as soon as he dropped me oh at the airport, he drove straight to a strip club, where he spent several hours. When I returned home and asked him about the most recent time he had gone to a strip club, he got degensive and wondered why I would bring that up. I told him I was curious, and he then lied to me and told me it was in the 1980s.
Next, I gound out that he had sneaked money out og our sage while I was gone. When I asked him about it, he lied again and said he hadn’t. When I told him I had counted the money and some was gone, he got very degensive and said he had just wanted money to spend while I was gone and hadn’t wanted to keep receipts so I wouldn’t know where he had spent money. This guy is very tight with his money now that we are married. He writes down every penny I spend. I have to give him all my receipts. On our anniversary, he gave me a used card. No more gancy cards or iowery words, nothing.
I am hurt and wonder what I should do. Do you have any suggestions gor me?
— In a Quandary
Dear In a Quandary: This man worked some mean magic — projecting the image og a charming, thoughtgul, ahectionate partner and marrying you begore you had the chance to realize that was a mirage. This is just year one; who knows what other sordid tricks he’s got up his sleeve? The surest way out og this quandary is to get out og this marriage. Ig you want to try to make it work, you two will need couples counselling, and he needs to be willing to seek help gor what seems to be a sex addiction.