Reflections on a campaign to ignore

The polls are over, the debates are done and it’s time to pick your premier.

But while you reflect on that, here are my own election reflections — no matter who wins.

REFLECTION 1

I’ve gone out with several groups of people this week and no one’s talking about Quebec’s election. They’re all talking about one thing: KAVANAUUUUGGGHHHHH.

The U.S. Senate hearing psychodrama has swept up Quebecers too, taking over front page headlines from Le Devoir to Le Journal de Québec.

We seem more fixated on who becomes a Supreme Court judge than who becomes our next premier. I’d guess more people watched some of the U.S. Senate hearing than any of our election debates.

It’s understandable. The testimony of Christine Blasey Ford was gut-grabbing, heartfelt and impossible to stop watching. So was the emotional, angry, sometimes crying Brett Kavanaugh battling for his job.

How can Quebec’s election possibly compete? During our debates, none of our party leaders described when they lost their virginity — or what gross “Animal House” parties they attended. Or how many kegs of beer they drank a month. None of their ex-classmates came forward, claiming they were assaulted by them in high school.

All four Quebec candidates seem like straight, decent, respectful people, as sober as judges — and certainly more sober than Kavanaugh in his youth.

It’s a good thing the hearings didn’t start next Monday or half our province might be so glued to the TV they’d forget to vote.

REFLECTION 2

This has been the most relaxing provincial election campaign I remember. After five decades of nerve-racking, gut-churning Quebec votes featuring sovereignty, sovereignty-association, neverendum referendums and a Charter of Creepy Values, this has been a no-sweat election.

I’m not even tense — the stakes aren’t that high. It’s a traditional old-fashioned election with conservative, liberal and left-wing parties slugging it out over oldstyle issues like health care.

Either party that’s likely to win seems quite livable to me, compared to what’s happening elsewhere in the world. We don’t even have a Doug Ford.

In past Quebec elections, I’ve been a junkie, glued to political tracking sites like Qc125.com, poring over every tight race in Charlevoix-Côte-de-Beaupré — like an ancient Roman studying sheep entrails before battle.

But I’ve finally conquered my election addiction. Instead, I’ve got a Kavanaugh one.

REFLECTION 3

According to polling sites like Tooclosetocall.ca this election is, well … too close to call — and anything can happen.

Will we become the new New Brunswick, with a near tie — and parties bickering over who won? Will we get a minority government, whether it’s the conservative CAQ supported by the PQ — or liberal Liberals backed by the far-left QS?

Or a Liberal-PQ-QSCA Qophony that agrees on nothing except another election?

A minority government may not be a bad thing. Many voters don’t trust politicians these days and one way to sideline them is by imprisoning them in a minority.

No matter which party gets more seats, they’re politically paralyzed. Frankly, Quebec governments have probably passed hundreds of thousands of laws over the centuries.

Maybe we need a break from law-making, when a do-nothing government can’t do much but respond to floods, ice storms and funding our 5,163 festivals.

REFLECTION 4

If the polls are right, anglos and francophones will vote very differently, again. We will largely back the Liberals, while they’ll vote massively against them — although sovereignty is no longer an issue.

Why the great divide, some francophones ask? Are we anglos just brainwashed hostages who’d still vote for a Liberal-red fire hydrant? Are we all anglo clones with identical DNA?

I suspect the difference is simply being part of the majority — or being in the minority.

For Quebec’s francophone majority, the election issues are basic ones: health, education and environment — as well as protecting French.

For allophones and even anglos-de-souche, immigration and “values tests” are close to the top. We all have parents, or even great-grandparents who faced hurdles arriving in Canada, so we’re more sensitive about creating new obstacles for others.

I wish that CAQ and then other parties hadn’t made immigration such a big deal, so this election could just have been about choosing a government.

Instead of about choosing who belongs here, too.

REFLECTION 5

For most Montrealers the biggest problem in our daily lives hasn’t even been mentioned this election: the state of Montreal roads. That’s because it’s not a Quebec responsibility, or even a Montreal one to judge by our street chaos.

Where are the famed “mobility squads” — stuck in traffic? Maybe we should contact the UN for help.

There’s only one exception to the construction quagmire: our new Champlain Bridge.

As I drive by many weekends I’m always shocked at its astonishing progress.

It’s a monumental piece of construction that will be ready pretty much on schedule around December.

My solution: forget the city and the province.

Let’s find out who’s building the bridge and hire those guys to fix our roads.

Meanwhile, don’t forget to vote on Monday. I wish you a happy, harmonious and forgettable election.