Bah humbug, Christmas is early
Hannah Grace brings fear to festivities, writes Chris Lackner.
MOVIES
Big release on Nov. 30: The Possession of Hannah Grace Big picture: Nothing like a good exorcism movie to scare the hell out of you ahead of the holiday season! Thanks, Hollywood. When a young girl named Hannah dies during an exorcism gone wrong, her demon finds a new vessel in a troubled, beautiful mortician (Shay Mitchell). Inexplicably, the unlucky lady gets locked in the basement of the morgue for the night with a surprisingly mobile corpse. Forecast: It’s not the season for possession, but it’s not Christmas yet either. Hollywood made a mistake, but it knows exactly what to do. Next year it will just dump another nonsensical, can’t fail Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson movie in this last November weekend slot. I dunno, maybe Johnson fights a mummified giant ape while driving a sports car on top of a skyscraper during an earthquake while simultaneously playing Jumanji and lifeguarding the rooftop pool.
TV
Big event: Christmas comes early Big picture: When did Christmas start the last weekend of November? Those desperate for yuletide joy can start the week off with the annual The Great Christmas Light Fight (Nov. 26, ABC), in which families try to fill an empty void in their lives by lighting up their houses to the point that they can probably be seen from the International Space Station. The winners of the national battle get US$50,000, which is just enough to cover their hydro bill. Then it’s Christmas in Rockefeller Center (Nov. 28, NBC) for the annual star-studded tree lighting and music special. Not ready with a “bah humbug” yet? Then tune into the first holiday variety show of the year, A Legendary Christmas with John and Chrissy (Nov. 28, NBC). Celeb couple John Legend and Chrissy Teigen “kiss the holidays hello.” What’s that? You haven’t locked yourself in the basement of a mortuary with a possessed corpse yet?! Then, by all means, read on! The Wonderful World of Disney: Magical Holiday Celebration (Nov. 29, ABC) finds Dancing with the Stars: Juniors host Jordan Fisher and Modern Family’s Sarah Hyland hosting two hours of merrymaking with Mickey and the gang. Finally, I don’t think cleavage was one of the gifts in the 12 Days of Christmas, but that won’t stop the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Holiday Special (Dec. 2, ABC). The models will hit the runway to the tunes of musical guests like Bebe Rexha, The Chainsmokers, Halsey, Kelsea Ballerini, Rita Ora, Shawn Mendes and more. Forecast: I predict the Easter Bunny will start delivering chocolate on Boxing Day this year — just to get ahead of the game. And kids will start trick-or-treating next year on Labour Day.
MUSIC
Big releases on Nov. 30: Jeff Tweedy (WARM) Big picture: Brilliant Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy releases a solo album with one of the most uninspiring titles of the year. But don’t let that fool you. A solo album from the alt-country god is a real reason for early holiday merrymaking. Tweedy also has a memoir in stores called Let’s Go (So We Can Get Back), so it’s a good year for those with Wilco fans on their Christmas list. Forecast: I predict a Tweedy followup effort called LUKEWARM.