Dealing with a dinner table bully
Dear Annie: I know a 60-year-old woman who wears high-heeled shoes and no pantyhose with miniskirts, without even a slip underneath. When she wears light-coloured miniskirts, they’re somewhat see-through in the daylight. She wears bikini-style underwear, and through the skirt there are visible rolls around her bottom, waist and stomach. She’s not really someone to whom I can say something, so what would you recommend?
Curious
Dear Curious: Quit looking so closely.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been socializing with another couple, “Cal” and “Sandy,” for many years. We go out to dinner often and have taken trips together. Cal has always made snide and off-colour remarks. He would say derogatory things about my political affiliation, my profession (I’m a teacher) and my children. He always laughs and acts like he is joking. I usually brush it off and chalk it up to him being an insecure bully.
Recently, he asked my opinion about our pastor’s request that we wear face masks in public to keep others safe. I said that I thought it was important, especially since my father was currently in the hospital with COVID-19. He is a resident of a nursing home that has been on lockdown since March, and there was a large outbreak of the virus at his home. It has been a difficult time for my family since we have not been able to visit him.
A few days later, we were having dinner with Cal and Sandy along with two other couples. Cal made derogatory comments about my dad’s illness. My dad had just been released from the hospital and, thankfully, was doing much better. I was shocked and didn’t say anything at that time.
The next day, I did a lot of thinking and decided to cut this man out of my life. Is it fair to ask my husband to also quit associating with Cal?
Hurting in Louisville
Dear Hurting in Louisville: Cutting Cal out of your life sounds like a great decision. He sounds insensitive and like a true bully. Right now, your focus should be on your well-being and your family’s well-being. In the future, if you find yourself with a bully such as Cal consider telling him to stop the snide comments. Sticking up for yourself is an act of self-care that can create a ripple effect of others sticking up for themselves, too.
It’s time to have an honest talk with your husband. He heard what Cal said and his lack of social graces not to discuss political issues at the dinner table. When this happens in the future, how would you like your husband to support you?
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