HOME SWEET OFFICE
Sharing a work space with your partner? Here's how to keep the peace
Lavonia and Arthur Linder have navigated life together in Washington, D.C., for 51 years — raising three children, juggling two careers (he as a high school principal, she as a paralegal) and volunteering.
Even in retirement, during which Arthur, 75, had maintained a regular commute to his unpaid role as head of religious education at a Catholic church, they never felt cramped in their three-storey home. Until the coronavirus pandemic hit.
“All of a sudden, he was in my space, and I didn't like it so much,” says Lavonia, 74. Arthur frequently has Zoom calls for his volunteer work that require him to take over Lavonia's quiet, sunny study on the second floor. He carries canvas bags full of files and notes — “a bag for each project,” he says — from room to room.
Like many couples these days, whose real spouses have also morphed into “work spouses,” they were forced to figure out how to get their jobs done (and, yes, unpaid volunteering gigs are jobs) without undoing decades of marital bliss. It takes work to work well with your partner: There's no IT department, no supply manager and no human resources pro to settle turf battles.
Interior designers and couples therapists alike say they're seeing a surge in business from people seeking help managing space, time and energy under the same roof.
“The likelihood that a husband and wife can sit in a room all day together is pretty low,” says Dawn based in Rye, N.Y.
The Linders, with the help of D.C. interior designer Shawna Underwood, are turning a guest bedroom into a shared office, big enough for workstations for both Lavonia and Arthur. They remade Lavonia's smaller study into a reading room for the both of them — and a place where she can retreat when Arthur
is on a conference call in the main office.
“You don't have to go buy a traditional office desk,” says Underwood, founder of Shawna Underwood Interior Design. “You're not designing a corporate space, so fill it with functional items that also feel like your home (such as) a vintage farm table, an antique writing desk, a modern standing desk.”
The Linders feel rejuvenated by the process. “We're lifetime learners, so this is an opportunity to learn something new together and adapt,” Arthur says.
Lavonia says that “this is going to bring us closer. It will help us communicate better and help each other out a little more.”
As people spend more time at home during the pandemic and rethink how to make their space work for their new lifestyles, many homeowners are doing home improvement
projects.
“So many of the couples I work with are also doing renovations or remodels,” says Chris Kraft, a couples therapist and the director of clinical services at the Sex and Gender Clinic in the psychiatry department at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. “It really is all about boundaries. (The pandemic) is forcing people to reconfigure and renegotiate their living spaces.”
Karen Osterle, a couples therapist in D.C., shares the story of a fellow therapist's wife's “operatic voice” floating beyond the dining room, where she works running a non-profit, and into the upstairs office, where he now virtually sees patients. To cut down on the sound travelling, they've turned the dining room workspace into a lush, plant-filled place. They laid sound-absorbing rugs on the floor.
They rescued an old velour curtain from storage and stapled it to the ceiling, creating an almost soundproof nook.
But before you call in the interior designers or invest any sweat or money into rearranging and outfitting an office for two, first see if you can get any work done with your partner (and their Zoomedin co-workers) sharing the space, says Kristin Try, an interior designer in Alexandria, Va.
“You don't want to spend $15,000, have built-ins put in and then realize you can't make this work,” she says.
Pay attention to how your office mate organizes — or doesn't organize — supplies, and how you feel about those assorted piles.
If you choose to share one home office, think zones. “Split the room in half with a low credenza if you need to. Create two zones, so each person can personalize that space to their needs,” Underwood says. That means separate desks, separate storage and separate task lighting. Dedicate one work surface as a shared one, for family items each partner can access or for plants and other design elements you agree on. Decide if you want to face one another or if that's distracting, and talk about who gets the coveted window.
Invest in good headphones if you don't like the sound of others typing, chewing and drinking, and don't eavesdrop on your partner's calls, Kraft says. One upshot of seeing just how busy your partner is — or hearing how much office jargon that person has to wade through — is that it can spark empathy.
“If you know your partner has been in five back-to-back endless meetings, you can maybe take out the dog or give him or her some space to decompress from all that,” Osterle says.
With double the items in your office, get serious about storage, Merkel says. She prefers built-ins to keep all those files, printers and paper clips out of sight.
Home builder Michael Sauri says to “watch out for your loud talkers and your spreaders,” because those particular home-office inhabitants tend to need their own dedicated space. “You don't want to be annoyed by the way your spouse gets their job done, so better to work in separate areas.”
He has set up his own workspace at the clutter-free, neatly organized dining room table in his Arlington, Va., home.
“My beloved wife is, well, a two-armed octopus, and tends to surround herself with piles and stacks, knowing that everything she needs, everything, is within reach,” he says. “That's why she gets the office, because I need, well, something different.”
Solutions, say interior designers and therapists, all share a common trait: clear boundaries. When you're sharing everything all day, your workspace should feel like it's all yours.
“There are two people in a couple, and each of them are getting pulled in all kinds of directions, so be on one another's side. Be on the side of the relationship,” Osterle says.