COVID concerns over the holidays
Dear Annie: What advice would you share for families who are grappling with members who have differing opinions about what is considered safe behaviour for COVID-19 and protocols for how to interact over the holidays?
Since the start of the pandemic, my older sister and her husband have had a very laissez-faire approach to their safety, refusing to wear masks, limit time with others indoors and in public places, and refusing to socially distance, saying the virus is here and we have to learn to live with it.
Although it is their prerogative how they choose to behave within their bubble, as my sister continues to participate in high-risk activities, she also demands that other people in our family disregard their own level of comfort and safety to interact with them and their young daughter in person, including our mother, who is nearly 70.
When we ask her to limit activities or enforce basic guidelines like delaying scheduling family time after they participate in high-risk activities, such as attending a large wedding or planning to host visitors from overseas in their home, my sister lashes out at my mother for making such requests. She demeans her for attempting to limit her interaction with them, saying it is showing favouritism to my family, which does not participate in high-risk activities. She says that my mother is intentionally ruining her relationship with her own granddaughter. Of course, my mother wants to see both my sister and her granddaughter, so she is incredibly hurt by these accusations, but she also wants to stay healthy and follow recommended safeguards and guidelines, especially given her age and risk level.
Besides dropping our own level of safety and comfort to align with her high-risk lifestyle, which we will not do because of my older son's health risks, how would you suggest families like ours navigate this situation? Please help. Frustrated Brother
Dear Frustrated Brother: Families like yours all across the world have to remind themselves that this is temporary. If you don't feel comfortable seeing your sister and her family, or if your mother's behaviour, forced by your sister, makes you nervous, then don't see them for the time being. Continue to talk to your mother about your concerns for her safety and tell her how much you love her and don't want anything to happen to her.
Try the same approach with your sister. Remind yourself that, if you peek below the surface of your anger and frustration at your mother and sister's family, it comes from an incredible love for them and their safety. When you come from that place, conversations seem to go more smoothly. Best of luck to you and your family during this time, and stay safe.