It's time to let go of anger and let love in

Dear Annie: My mother separated from my father when I was three. She left my father, who never came looking for us. She later married a wonderful man who loves me more than anything.

When I was 15, a family member was able to get in touch with my biological father. The next day, he changed his phone number.

Recently, I did a DNA test and was able to connect with a cousin. I've been told that my biological father has since remarried and has two children. She gave him my number, and he has reached out to me. He wants to meet me but has no intention of telling his family about me.

I'm hanging onto this hatred and wondering if that is why, at the age of 40, I still can't see past the worst in men. Do I live with this anger or do I move on?

Stuck in Anger

Dear Stuck: Living in anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It is understandable that you are angry with your biological father. He sounds like he was an unhappy man.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not the other person. Try to see that your biological father was very limited in the love or support that he could give you. This had nothing to do with you and everything to do with his limitations.

There is a kindness about your letter, and kind people let go of anger.

Dear Annie: The letter from “Shepherd With a Lost Sheep,” who feels that his adult daughter is not making good life decisions, reminded me of my own daughter, “Jane.”

Jane easily graduated with honours from college, but like “Shepherd's” daughter, she has never been employed in her educational field and worked only at fairly menial jobs. What I didn't know for many years, and what “Shepherd” may not realize about his daughter, is that Jane had a mental illness. She was able to function marginally OK for daily life, but she could not make the best life decisions.

I recommend “Shepherd” contact his local affiliate of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, which has exceptional programs for the loved ones of persons with mental illness. Dad at Peace

Dear Dad at Peace: Thank you very much for your letter.

I am delighted that you are able to maintain a wonderful relationship with your daughter. So much of having a good relationship with others stems from understanding where they are coming from or what they are going through. I have a feeling your letter will help many readers.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at creators.com.