Fiancée acting fishy
Dear Annie: I am about to get married to a woman I am still madly in love with, five years after we first met. Within two months after our first date, we told each other we were in love with each other and wanted to date each other exclusively. Yet, within four months, she was lying to me, going off for a night here and a night there, claiming to visit her sister, but actually staying with a married man she's known since high school — a man with whom, she has admitted to me, she cheated on her late husband.
During our first year of dating, she tried reassuring me that it's “emotional, not physical.” I told her she knows how I feel, and I'd appreciate her not talking to this man.
Yet, one day she was showing me something on her phone and accidentally showed me photos of them together. I looked at her phone later and saw the photos were dated recently. She lied to me about her whereabouts on those days. I have confronted her about her ongoing relationship with this man. She refuses to admit they still see each other.
Is it wrong to ask to see her phone records to see if she is still talking and texting with him before I say “I do?” Is just having the question enough that I should call it off? Looking for Information
Dear Looking for Information: Reviewing her call logs might provide you with temporary relief, but it wouldn't actually heal the fractured trust. In fact, in the long term it could just make things worse.
Unfortunately, it does sound as though your suspicions are well-founded. It's OK for our significant others to have friends of the opposite sex or even to be platonic friends with exes. But there is a difference between a friendship and an emotional affair. It sounds like your fiancée is swept up in the latter. Unless you can say “I do” with all your heart, then it's better not to say it.
Dear Annie: I have always been a giver and enjoy making people happy. I remember everyone's birthdays with cards and gifts. My Christmas list seems to grow longer every year. Most of the recipients are out of town, which means expensive mailing postage. I live in constant credit card debt. How can I cut back on or eliminate gifts altogether without offending anyone? Do I send a “notice” at the beginning of the year as a heads-up?
Broke Not Cheap
Dear Broke: The point of a gift is to let someone know you were thinking of them. Toward that end, a thoughtfully written card is just as good — and often even better — than a material present.
I don't think it warrants an official notice. When you talk to close friends and family on the phone, be honest with them. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind.
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