Considerate gestures make a difference

Dear Annie: Years ago, I read the toilet seat debate in the Ann Landers column. It featured women upset about men leaving the toilet seat up after use and men defensive about it.

My wife and I were married for 45 and a half years, and she never complained about it, but I thought if such a simple thing might make her more pleased then why not do it. So, I always made sure to put the seat down when I was done using the bathroom. She died a little over a year ago, and I still put the seat down.

Caring in Spokane

Dear Caring: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your thoughtfulness was something your wife loved about you. At a time when many couples have been cooped up together for months, your letter is a reminder to be kind to each other in every way we can, while we can.

Dear Annie: I've been in this relationship with a guy for four years. I think I can count on both hands how many times he's said he loves me. I've always questioned his love for me. He barely touches me. If I touch him, he jumps away from me, but when he's ready to be affectionate, I'm always available to him. The last time we were intimate was many months ago.

Another thing that concerns me: Whenever we have conflict, he always threatens to leave. The last time he threatened to leave, I told him to leave and that I would help him pack. So far, he's stopped with the threats since then.

I'm 49 years old, and I just can't see myself wasting another year with this type of relationship. I feel like he's a manipulator and needs to go. What should I do?

Feeling Unloved

Dear Feeling Unloved: I don't think that you need me to tell you what to do. My advice: Stop thinking of the last four years as a waste. Far from helping you gin up the courage to leave, that mindset may actually paralyze you into staying. Instead, consider that the relationship offered valuable lessons and growth, but it's no longer serving you. The sooner you end this, the sooner you'll be onward and upward.

Dear Annie: The letter from “CRC Survivor,” who only found out he had colon cancer when he went to donate blood, brings up two great points: The first is the importance of donating blood on a regular basis, since blood is always in short supply; the second is the value of routine colonoscopy, since colon cancer can be completely silent.

Haridas

Dear Haridas: The Red Cross is in critical need of blood and plasma donations right now.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at creators.com.