I'm not related to all these Brownsteins, sorry
Not-so-common surname prompts questions about family connections
Say what?
The supporter of the former U.S. president wanted to know if this non-fan's opinion on Donald J. Trump had changed now, after Trump had pardoned a presumed member of my family. Really?
Yup, it turns out that among the scores of pardons granted to such upstanding citizens as Steve Bannon, Michael Flynn and Roger Stone by Trump before he left the Oval Office was also one for Denver's Drew “Bo” Brownstein.
After a frantic check, it turns out Drew “Bo” shares only a surname, but no familial connection with me. Regardless, even if Drew “Bo” had been a relative, I'm pretty sure my opinion of The Donald wouldn't have budged.
Still, I became curious as to why Drew “Bo” got busted in the first place and why he was pardoned.
I was fantasizing that perhaps Drew “Bo” got sent to the slammer for punching out a mechanical bull that bucked him from a Denver saloon and that Eric Trump prevailed upon his daddy to help him out.
The makings of a super Saturday Night Live sketch, right? Not quite.
In a story in The Colorado Sun by Jesse Paul, the truth came out. Drew “Bo,” who ran a hedge fund and is the son of powerful Denver lobbyist Norm Brownstein, pleaded guilty in 2011 to making illegal stock trades netting him close to $2.4 million.
He was sentenced to a year and a day in prison.
In pardoning Drew “Bo,” the White House noted that “he had fully paid off fines and forfeitures” related to his case and that he did extensive volunteering with youth groups.
Beyond the case of Drew “Bo” — gotta love that name — what I also find intriguing is the assumption that so many make that all of us who bear a certain not-so-common surname must be related.
The situation is somewhat akin to a Canadian from Halifax being asked while travelling in the U.S. if he happens to know a particular fellow from Moose Jaw. As a matter of fact …
I'm not even related to most of the Brownsteins in Montreal.
Whenever his name pops up in the news, I'm always asked about my connection to Côte-st-luc Mayor Mitchell Brownstein.
We aren't remotely related, but in brief conversations we've had, he seems like a mensch, plus he does have an admirable fondness for community theatre.
Then there's Ron Brownstein, a former editor with the Los Angeles Times and now an editorial director with Atlantic Media.
He is probably better known to most as a political analyst on CNN.
And, invariably, whenever he shows up on the tube, I'm asked about our connection, considering our media backgrounds. There is none, apart from the fact both our mothers were named Shirley.
Nor is there a family association with one Billie Brownstein. She works for CBS'S news division.
Nor, sadly, can I claim any kind of kinship with the ultracool Carrie Brownstein, the Seattle musician of Sleater-kinney fame and actress-comedian star-writer of the award-winning Portlandia TV series with Fred Armisen.
Ditto for any connection with acclaimed New York poet and novelist Michael Brownstein.
Hey, but I can proudly claim kinship with my way, way smarter and most affable and unassuming nephew, John Brownstein, an epidemiologist who has been at the forefront in tracking the spread of the coronavirus and who regularly contributes his pandemic insights on ABC News.
The chief innovation officer at Boston Children's Hospital and a Harvard prof, John appears to have only one flaw: a fondness for his hometown's New England Patriots.
While I've been informed by linguists that Brownstein is a German derivation of “brown beer mug,” my family's roots are Romanian, not German.
Indeed, a relative confided to me that my great-great-grandfather had once served as — seriously — court jester to the Romanian royal family.
However, he was forced to flee the country when he got too cocky with the king. Evidently, the old seltzer-spraying boutonniere gag may have hastened his sacking.
He was to find refuge on Montreal's Main not long after.
And that kind of explains everything.
Top that, Drew “Bo.”