Why does seedless melon have seeds?

Inquiring minds demand to know: how many and how much defines occasional? There might be only one inquiring mind — mine — but I’m sure other minds have asked the same question from time to time and therefore, this question is asked on behalf of all of us.

I’m talking about the seeds in “seedless” watermelon. Now isn’t that a curious turn of phrase.

Shoppers are led to believe the signs that say the watermelons for sale are seedless, which means they should not contain seeds, if the producer has done a proper job in the field, before harvest and shipping across the continent to watermelon lovers in Moose Jaw, Sask. and elsewhere.

But there they are, in the latest watermelon purchased on our weekly excursion to the grocery store. The sign promised “seedless”, the cash register receipt said “sdls” which surely means “seedless”, and the decal on the outside rind also announced in capital letters that our orb of fruit was “seedless.”

After one slice with the dangerously sharp knife it became readily apparent that this watermelon was anything but without seed.

With all those seeds visible to the eye, I was ready to blame housemate for shopping out of the wrong bucket. Housemate is the official picker of the watermelon when we shop. He knocks on their outer shells until he hears a certain thump that proclaims to him which one we should buy.

Mostly, he picks correctly but this was one time when I doubted his selective ability. Surely he would have heard the seeds inside for wouldn’t one without seeds make a different noise?

After cutting several more slices, I was all set to return to the store to demand a refund but I checked the decal one more time and there it was, the claim in small printing that the watermelon “might contain an occasional seed.”

And that is where the definition of “occasionally” comes forward.

Certainly it must be a precise and frustrating science to breed the seeds out of a product that has for centuries been known to have seeds as part of its makeup. But if it is advertised as seedless, it should doggone well be seedless.

The seeds in this watermelon, admittedly, are much smaller than the size of the seeds that at one time were used for spitting contests at many family picnics and school events.

Despite the miniscule dimension of the seeds, the growers, who by the way are from Georgia, should be held accountable for selling a defective product, even a product that bears a bit of a consumer-beware sign.

The label, coincidently, says the watermelons are “proudly grown in Georgia” which makes it even more embarrassing for them.

Quite frankly, I always enjoyed the seeds in watermelons of yore. They sailed nicely onto the lawn or made a delightful plunking sound when slipped by tongue into a metal pail. But progress determined that consumers disliked seeds and wanted purely fruit and thus the seeds mostly disappeared.

The same has happened with grapes but when one buys a bunch of seedless grapes, there is no label that claims an occasional seed might be present. Clearly, the grape deseeders have done a much better job of purging than the proud watermelon producers in Georgia.

So back to the original question — is more than 10 seeds in one slice too many to be considered “occasional”?

I would think so, but if housemate or someone else wants to engage in a seed-spitting contest, I’m game to enter the competition, and to forgo my complaint to the proud Georgia growers for their lack of truth in advertising.