Costly Measures

The tiniest of items or things can often trigger the largest of reactions or events, like a grain of sand that starts a landslide. Sometimes the risk of an impending event is obvious and can be stopped before it is too late; other times you just have to hope you can react before it is too late. I recently recognized a possible tsunami type event and if I am fortunate, I may have saved thousands of dollars, but if I am unlucky I may have to get a job! Just a few days ago, I caught Mrs. B with a tape measure in the kitchen and she was measuring the counters and cabinets. Eventually I was able to hide the tape measure but it may have been too late. There was a sheet of paper with a bunch of measurements and a drawing of our kitchen on the table. Then when I was spying on her later, I saw that she was reading from a kitchen remodeling site on the interwwweb. The site was from that $wedish $tore that $ells $tuff you have to a$$emble and even though you do not have to read $wedish, the a$$embly is often an adventure in fru$tration. I am sure there have been thousands of divorces with the cause being blamed on a$$embling $tuff from the $wedish $tore. I could hide her tape measure but I could not hide the $wedish $tore $ite on the interwwweb. $igh… this might get expen$ive. $orry for the $’s. After I worked up the courage to discreetly inquire if there was anything I should know about our kitchen, Mrs. B said that she was unhappy with the knob on the cutlery drawer. Oh no, she was right! The cutlery drawer knob is worn and a little loose so I took a knife from the drawer and gamely tried to tighten the screw but my immediate heroic actions did not have the effect I had envisioned. That was the grain of sand! The knob was tight but a seed of change had been planted in the wrong garden…Mrs. B’s beautiful brain. Now I must say that there was an affordable attempt at simply replacing the knobs on the drawers and cabinets. While that is what I am lobbying for, it is not very likely…the first interwwweb site searched was the $wedish $tore. “Nice knobs,” I said. “Let’s order some.” As I quickly tried to change the subject, I mentioned her favorite CFL team the Riders and tried to divert her attention. No dice! Mrs. B had been infected with a computer renovating virus and there might not be a cure! A kitchen renovation has always been on that never ending list of changes or improvements that are as much a part of home ownership as the deed or mortgage. We try to improve our home constantly but being retired we often are on a budget and almost always do the work ourselves. To be honest, I thought a kitchen reno was lower on our wish list but this might have been my own fault as I did leave a tape measure where it could be easily found. I wondered to myself, what if the replacement knobs were so beautiful that a complete kitchen renovation could be avoided simply by replacing 46 knobs at a few bucks apiece. Then I started the research and soon discovered that a knob is not just a knob but can be a very expensive way to get a drawer open for a spoon to eat ice cream. I was not surprised to find that there are a lot of vintage or antique knobs (pulls) and that they can range in price from a loonie or two, to as much as $40 each. Let’s see…$40 X 46= a bunch of moolah, and suddenly a complete kitchen renovation seems tame compared to antique knobs. I managed to avoid that costly outlay by wondering out loud if 46 matching antique knobs were even available. Whew, that was close! Then I was surprised to find that there are thousands of glass knobs available on the interwwweb at some reasonable to expensive prices and that the variety was impressive, not to mention artistic. There again, I offered the argument of consistency in the expensive “artsy” stuff but my pleas fell on deaf ears. By that time Mrs. B has forgotten all about a loose knob. She is now dreaming of a new kitchen with sliding shelves, self-closing hinges, drop shelves, and all kinds of modern gizmos and innovations from that $wedish $tore. Mrs. B offered this simple logical reason for a new kitchen, that is, with better organization there might be better meals and goodies. She is a $mart one! Where do I pay?