CORNER Ask A Geezer
A True Love Story
Bush
It was a fated relationship from the moment I laid eyes on “her”. From that moment on, I was under “her” spell…the spell of a lazy man drawn to a more enticing laziness. From the beginning she was loud and annoying to some folks, usually my neighbours or Mrs. B, but to me she sang a beautiful song of efficiency and productivity. Being an efficient and productive man, there was no question I would be impressed by what I could accomplish with “her” at my side…right or left. “She” was my Wind-O- Matic 2000 Leaf Blower/Vacuum/Mulcher and if it sounds like I am bragging about her 32 cc gas powered prowess…I am! She was beautiful and dependable but there was only so much 200mph wind in her…sigh! She has gone to the great garden shed in the sky.
Ol’ Windy became a part of my life when we lived on the flatlands and had a large yard and a weekend cabin, both of which had leafy trees in the fall and dry snow in the winter. Right from the get go, she would start on the first pull and that is the dependability her manufacturer promised. She quickly became a favorite tool/machine and had her own shelf in the shed. Ol’ Windy easily moved leaves, whether they were dry in the fall or wet in the spring. She accomplished what a few rakes could do, much faster and efficiently. In the winter, Ol’ Windy was only challenged by snow over an inch deep, but still left the decks snowless and safe from slipping.
I never fully understood Ol’ Windy’s capabilities, until one day a few years ago; when I had something of an emergency while Mrs. B was visiting friends out of town. My bride was to be away for a week and I suddenly realized it was the evening of day 6 with Mrs. B’s return the next morning. I had never swept the floors…or done any chores at all. It looked like I was going to pull an all-nighter until I remembered what Ol’ Windy could do with her 200mph blower; this is where my genius is evident.
I had a house full of dust bunnies comprised of dog hair, cat hair and who knows what else. They were everywhere in the house. In fact, they were so big I would have called them dust jackrabbits just because they seemed to breed. Faced with an impending deadline, not to mention impending doom, I smartly opened all the doors including the patio doors, turned the overhead fan on full blast and “chased” those darn dust bunnies to the walls. Then I “herded” those dust jackrabbits along the walls and out the doors. Easy peasy! I had unknowingly done some dusting while the overhead fan was on full tilt so the place looked spotless. When my beautiful wife arrived the next morning, she seemed to be satisfied that the dishwasher was humming along, the counter was clean and that the floor had been “swept”. She did not use a white glove for inspection, but she was thorough and she did say she smelled something odd. Then she asked if I had been up to any shenanigans that would leave a smell that reminded her of a lawnmower.
I confessed/bragged about using Ol’ Windy as a household tool. I could see my folly, so when Ol Windy bit the dust a few weeks ago and refused to start, I did the logical thing. I replaced her with a modern Solar Charged Battery Powered Wind-O-Matic 3000, which leaves no smell reminiscent of a lawnmower. Now I have another true love and maybe Mrs.
B could use her to “dust”. by Dale “bushy”