Bed of Roses

By now the long-stemmed roses have wilted, the chocolates have gone to the hips and Valentine’s Day is a distant memory. There is a lot of emphasis on that one day in the year for love to flow but then that love seems to gooooo.... Big Sweet Pea and I were chatting about dating (or whatever you call it nowadays) and I mentioned I had sent a few love letters to her dad back in the day. Interested, we dug in my pine hope chest and found the ones Hubby had saved. Reading them through, we both got the giggles of what I had written. Nearing our wedding day, one had said something like, “I can’t wait to cook your meals and do your laundry.” I can imagine you were thinking what Hubby was thinking as he said, “I bet you regret that now!” And honestly, I can say that I really don’t mind for the most part. It’s a matter of attitude.

Romantic love... beating hearts... and sweaty palms doesn’t happen much anymore. There is something about those first days of courtship that are special. Now after almost 24 years, I can say there is something more special about the days of marriage as we’ve waded through the disappointments, baggage and bumps along the way and made this institution of marriage work. I like to think that we’ve done some things right that have helped us keep keeping on. Here are a few small gestures that I believe have made a big difference: No matter how our day looks like or has been, I give Hubby a kiss at the door when he leaves and I greet him with a kiss when he comes home. If I’m leaving earlier than him or coming home later than him, we still find time for a kiss. Now, that doesn’t mean we’ve had a good day or are even friends with each other at that point, however, we’ve always chosen to do this regardless of our feelings. Another thing I have chosen not to do (and I think Hubby has for the most part) is to not go to bed angry. This is scriptural. If we go to bed angry, it gives the devil a wide open door to come in to do havoc in your marriage (Ephesians 4:26). We are intentional to sleep in the same bed, as well... no sleeping on the couch in our house. Another aspect is that when we are walking somewhere; anywhere – whether it is for everyday reasons or special occasions, we walk together. One may speed up or the other slows down... we just wait for each other. Hubby often offers his arm if there’s ice or uneven ground. We also do not make large decisions without the input from the other one. If we can’t come to agreement, we generally let it go and sleep on it. If we still come to a stall, I will generally submit to his idea and usually it works out in the end. Let go of expectations of each other; put your best foot forward and leave the rest. Forgive right off the top when you are hurt; unforgiveness is choosing to stay trapped in a jail cell of bitterness, serving time for someone else’s crime. Marriage is God’s way of making us more like Him; it gives us opportunity to walk in unconditional love, mercy and grace. The older we get the more like Jesus we should be becoming. Every inch of marriage is worth fighting for! Sow your seeds and don’t give up!