CORNER Suspicious Minds

He was in the checkout line at Wally’s store when he said to the cashier with a slight southern drawl, “Thank you…thank you very much” I knew immediately that: a) he was not from around here and b) he sounded and looked vaguely familiar. He seemed to be in his eighties and slightly overweight, but he had a full head of snow white hair with a neatly trimmed goatee. He pushed his grocery cart with a slow shuffle, not uncommon for an elderly man, but after I had thanked the cashier and thanked her very much, I had made my way to the parking lot where the old fellow was loading his grocery bags into a motorhome. Folks loading groceries into a motorhome is not unusual around here, but as I walked passed, I couldn’t help but stare at him and then at his personalized Tennessee license plate which read “SIVLE”. A little curious, I looked in my rear-view mirror as I drove past. Then I read his reverse license plate and it struck me like a slapshot to the head…”ELVIS”. It couldn’t be…or could it! Elvis has been dead for over 40 years or so “they” say, but there are still folks who believe his death was faked and as with any good conspiracy theory there are facts and notions. “Suspicious Minds” have been riding the “Mystery Train” for decades, with theories that support a fake death; his gravestone is probably one of Elvis’ fake death greatest hits. His name is misspelled on his official tombstone with his middle name Aron being spelled Aaron. For some people “That’s All Right”, but for me, a star of his magnitude’s memorial should be accurate. It leaves me with a “Wooden Heart”. Another fake death theory is supported by some questions about Elvis’ funeral and his casket. Apparently, his coffin weighed a reported 900 pounds and gave the pall bearers “Too Much Monkey Business” when they were performing their duties; that is about 300 pounds heavier than normal. It had also been reported, during the open casket viewing, the body seemed to be sweating as if it was actually made of wax. A battery powered air conditioning would have weighed about 300 pounds…coincidence or does it raise “Suspicion”? Elvis’ manager, Colonel Tom Parker turned heads at the funeral by wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt and a ball cap, which hardly shows respect for the dead. Add this to the facts, Elvis wasn’t buried next to his mother (as he had stated many times) just gives us “Suspicious Minds”. There is one theory for Elvis faking his death that has me wondering. That is: Elvis was taking his honorary FBI agent status a little too seriously and actually gave the Feds some information related to drug dealing mobsters. That made him a target so he was placed in the Federal Witness Protection Program necessitating his “death” to protect him and his family, who ended up “Crying In The Chapel” after the faked expiry. This series of events may have made it a case of “It’s Now Or Never” and if a mobster had put a hit on the King, his death, real or faked, would satisfy that dirty “Hound Dog”. After looking in my mirror and seeing his license plate with ELVIS (reversed SIVLE). I circled the parking lot and pulled into an empty spot a few cars away and rolled down my window and yelled, “Hey Elvis” to see if there was a reaction from the elderly man. I swear his head shot up and he quickly spotted me and yelled back at me, “Don’t Be Cruel”. This was one grocery trip that has me “All Shook Up”.