You’ll Get Freckled…
I just came in from weeding the garden in the sun where I was enjoying both the task and the conditions, but I heard my Mother’s voice in my head saying, “If you stay in the sun too long you’ll get freckled.” Freckles have been a part of my life forever. Coming in out of the sun or even going out in the sun never seemed to make a bit of difference; one way or the other…I was freckled. I was a smart, good looking red head. I guess, technically, I still am but the freckles never increased or went away and I still have them to prove it, not only on my face but(t) in other places, as well.
The smartypantsknowitallguys define freckles as “clusters of concentrated melaninized cells which are most easily visible on people with fair complexions.” Believe me, I had a fair complexion. Some folks have described my fair skin as a beautiful alabaster complexion and others as simply alabastard, but I was loaded with freckles. There was such a stigma about having freckles I would have done anything to avoid getting more of them… or do what I could do to get rid of them. I even entered a freckle contest advertised during “The Bugs Bunny Show” where the person with most freckles won a jar of “Acme Freckle Remover”. I won, and when I got my jar of “Acme Freckle Remover”, that never worked, I never made the Wile E Coyote and the “Acme” connection until years later.
If you have or had freckles, you will understand how the nick names that are associated with freckling are not always as funny when you are the frecklee. “Hey freckle face, where is the rest of your suntan?”. That one always made me cringe and I always wanted to reply, “Up yours… you alabastard”, but I only said that under my breath. More often than not, I replied, “On my back…side”. “Did you get a suntan with your face against a screen?”, “Do you have spotted fever?”, “Your face is rusty”. I have heard ‘em all, but suddenly the freckle-faced people in the world may be considered even more beautiful than we already are, thanks to a rookie Princess in England. Meaghan Markle…er the Duchess of Sussex, who is one of us freckled folk, has created a new fashion rage that will probably sweep the earth with the non-freckled becoming freckled…one way or another. This may have begun when a fashion magazine airbrushed the Duchess’ freckles out and the good Duchess of Sussex ripped the magazine editor a new “one” and suddenly she became the poster girl for honest beauty. Why her and not me? This magazine episode may have inadvertently caused a current trend for both temporary and permanent freckles. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard that and I can’t believe I just wrote this. Freckles are cute and beautiful and I have waited my whole life to be cute and beautiful. Tattoo artists are now strategically placing “temporary” freckles and letting the non-freckled people take some freckles for a test drive before they permanently join the beautiful people with “inked” freckles. They are charging up to $300 for this service. I believe I can do the job for way less with a Sharpie pen and a safety pin. I wonder if freckle tattoos will become the most popular do-it-yourself tattoos at home and in prison.
I have been growing a beard since my fourth year of grade eight to hide some of my freckles. Now that freckles are popular, I may shave my beard…and my head…arms…back, but please don’t call me “Spot”.