Where’s The Meat?

If you have watched any television in the past few months you have probably seen the advertisement for a fast food restaurant that features a meatless burger. What? The orange and brown restaurant that definitely has the best root beer in the world, is now selling a burger with a patty of vegetable-based protein and when the slick, carefully worded spiel was delivered, it was all I could do to not jump in the truck and drive for an hour to our nearest orange and brown drive-through in the city.

The short bald man that was so convincing in the ad, encouraged innocent “bystanders” to sample the new sandwich (to call it a burger seems wrong) and with a complete camera crew including lighting guys, sound guys, makeup guys, producers and such, the “samplers” response was predictable... after the releases and waivers were signed and notarized. “Wow! It’s fantastic! I never want to eat meat again! Where’s my paycheque?” Again I fought the urge to hop in the truck for a trip to the city for some root beer and a vegetable-based protein-based sandwich.

At least the ad was honest enough to share the manufacturer of the vegetable-based protein sand- wich as being a “Beyond Burger” from Beyond Meat. The orange and brown restaurant is now Beyond Meat’s largest customer. When I pointed and clicked on the Beyond Meat website, I almost became convinced that fake meat would save the world, end worldwide hunger and keep cows from farting and causing climate change. Again, I fought the urge to jump in my truck and drive to town for a fake meat sandwich.

I am not and probably never will be a vegetarian, although I do eat my veggies. That is probably why I seem to be healthy. I am a carnivore and if I was a cave man I would enjoy my mammoth burger with some broccoli and cauliflower for a well-balanced meal and a healthy colon. Unfortunately, my body will know when something is lacking; without meat, who knows what carnage will result. I picture myself becoming weak and pale in complexion, after being without real meat. Perhaps becoming a vampire, if I go too long between meaty meals. I would still come outside during the day to do chores and maybe to hunt for meat. I probably won’t hop in the truck for a big city fake meat burger…or would I?

Just by chance, we had to do some shopping in the big city and we (I) had a craving for some root beer so off to the orange and brown restaurant we went for some suds. I read the ad for the fake burger and I must admit; the picture was almost identical to the other burger pictures so I ordered the pricey fake burger. It seemed like it was a big deal when I ordered it. Because it was not precooked, they needed to cook the burger and brought it to our table. I swear the staff was watching my every bite, but I tried not to let that cloud my judgement in my taste-test of the fake meat sandwich. The sandwich was packed with lettuce (lots of it), tomato (a nice thick slice), a generous serving of onion and the usual mustard relish, ketchup and mayo smothered over the vegetable-based protein patty. The fixings tasted like fixings do and in order to give the patty a fair shake, I ate half of it without any bread or the trimmings. I would like to say that the protein-based fake meat was fantastic and delicious…but I’m not that big of a liar. It was a good thing we had shopped for meat…real meat. Yummy!