PEEK-A-BOO PORKY

As new owners of an island cottage on Lorimer Lake near Parry Sound, Ont., we soon tired of shuttling our stuff back and forth on every visit, so we built a storage unit, which served a dual purpose as an outhouse. And what a beautiful outhouse it was, built from poplar plywood, painted brown to meld into the background, and roofed with tin.

The following summer, as we were opening up for another glorious season, I went to unlock the shed and noticed a huge hole chewed into my beautiful outhouse. My wife wondered aloud if a porcupine was in residence. I decided to take a look. The hole was at ground level, so I had to get on all fours and twist my head at a 90-degree angle to peer inside. Sure enough, there was a “porky” in there—and he was trying to get out through the hole! I jumped back in alarm, adrenalin pumping through my veins, as I thought, “Porcupines don’t really shoot quills, do they?”

I now needed to evict my unwanted tenant. But how? Feeling nervous, I took up a stick as a defensive weapon and opened the shed door—out he came, running very close to my foot. Since he was heading away into the woods, I encouraged him to keep going, swinging my stick and yelling as I gave chase.

Heading back to the cottage, I assumed the air of a white knight returning from rescuing a fair damsel in distress. “He’s gone and won’t be coming back,” I bragged. My ever-loving looked at me, her mouth twitching until she finally collapsed in laughter and blurted out: “It was so funny watching you jump back from the hole and then chase that thing, swinging your stick and yelling at the top of your voice. I’m sure the neighbours will be around to find out what the crisis was all about!”

That was 37 years ago. The outhouse has long since been replaced, and two children and five grandchildren have been added to the family. Yet, when the fire burns to coals and story time comes around, someone will always say, “Gramma, tell us the story of ‘Papa and the Peek-a-boo Porky.’ ” Hugh Burritt, Mississauga