These 10 parking offences must stop

What’s the opposite of moving violations? Unmoving violations, of course. Call it parking rage, but it’s every bit as real as road rage and, in this age of the ubiquitous camera, don’t be surprised to see your worst transgressions show up any time there is an urge for someone to make their passive aggressive point.

Sometimes, while sitting there doing nothing at all, your car can be the source of many people strapping on a blood pressure cuff. If you think you’re immune, con- sider the following top 10 offenders. Maybe you endure some of these. Maybe you perpetuate some. We’re all human, but a little consideration goes a long way on the mean streets. Reading be tween t he lines: It’s one of two things — either you really can’t tell that you’ve parked across the painted line making me suspect your driving ability, or you straddled two spots very purposely, which makes me question your arrogance. If you insist on doing a dramatic drape with your car, at least do it at the far end of the lot. Take that, War on Cars: When you bought the house, you knew it had parking for two cars. But look at that! You can jam in three, even though you’re hanging over the sidewalk a metre or two! Pavement is made for cars, people. My house, my sidewalk. Just visiting: City planners use words like density, but what they really mean is lack of parking. No problem — nobody will notice you’ve been using visitors parking since you moved in. It’s not your fault you have two cars. Or you can’t carry your stuff far, right? Ask your neighbours who a) pay for their parking spots and b) have to tell their visitors to keep circling. There goes the neighbourhood: M aybe you have lots of space. You know you’re going to get around to doing something with that old Chevy in the driveway. The fact it’s sagging a little more every year and became a local landmark (“take a right at the rustedout pickup”) may not bother you at all, but by the time it’s up on blocks and several generations of squirrels have called it home, it might be time to move it on out. Daycare drama: Do I care that you run a daycare from your home? Not at all. Do I care that your clients park across my driveway every night for half an hour? Nah, it’s great to have to ask them repeatedly not to do it, and have them take offence when I take offence. Your neighbours aren’t cranky because of a bunch of three-year-olds, they’re cranky because you don’t tell your clients to quit doing that. Sometimes it’s the act of unparking: Y ou’ve had a fabulous evening with close friends. You’ve probably said your goodbyes at the door, and you’ve even spent another half-hour in the driveway trying to tear yourself away. But just for good measure, as the partygoers head out, they’ll tap the horn in a cheery salute. What good friends you have! Who doesn’t love a horn-blowing for no reason at 2 a.m.? The Flasher: I’m only going to be a minute. One tiny minute. I’ll just pull into this no-stopping or no-parking zone and pop on my hazards, because everybody knows that hazards inoculate you against tickets or towing, right officer? Right? Oh. Safe and ... sound?: I am thrilled that you remember to lock your car at all times. Most crimes are crimes of opportunity, and you’re wise to secure your car even in your own driveway. But you know how every time you hit the lock button your horn beeps? Check out your owner’s manual. You can silence that horn. Bringing home the work truck: Everybody expects some noise on garbage day. Everybody expects noise on construction sites. But when you bring home that work truck, do us all a favour and back it in the night before. That reverse alarm going off at 5:30 in the morning is just rude. Bike lane bandits: The city painted in those bike lanes to make us share the road. You may not like it, but embrace it: it might be someone you love they’re keeping safe. Oh, until you keep parking in them, because bike lanes are exempt because you’ll just be a minute. It’s bad enough cyclists have to get around shredder trucks and endure doorings. Don’t make it worse by blocking the one small safety feature they’ve been able to wrestle from the War on Cars folks.