Jane macdougall
‘Spiders, like investments, health and unattended bicycles, have a tendency to vanish without proper supervision’
‘Careful what you wish for ... ”
Definitely going in the book, that one. Last week I wrote about Momiderata, the personal version of Desiderata that I’m compiling as a Christmas gift for my kids. I realized that, as much as I seem to be chock full of aphorism, maxims and credos, I was going to have a hard time filling the entire book. It was beginning to look like I’d have to resort to spelling out RECYC LE over seven pages if I didn’t want to leave the back of my anthology blank. So, in my last column I mentioned several of Momiderata’s inclusions and, in the grand tradition of Tom Sawyer, asked readers to send along their favourites so I could pad out the pages.
Like I said: “Careful what you wish for.”
As if by magic, dozens and dozens of emails, hundreds of maxims and quotes appeared. I’m still getting them. If I didn’t respond to your kind gesture of sending me the words that have righted your vessel and kept you on the straight and narrow, forgive me. I tried. “Woulda, shoulda, coulda” is just another way of saying, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I apologize, but really, folks, it was a deluge, a beautiful deluge. All of them are much appreciated.
Thanks to you, my kids will soon be plugging their ears, crossing their eyes and singing, “I’m-not-lissstening” to a brand-new hit parade. I can hardly wait to intone this axiom from P. Lechtzier. It’s a gem from which governments could build our entire foreign policy: “Never cook bacon with your shirt off.” I mean, duh? Right? I’ve appended that with: “And only a fool wears his best shirt when frying bacon.”
The mysterious P. Lechtzier — male? female? PhD candidate? — references the Post’s very own Jonathan Goldstein for that one, and tacks on another Goldsteinian tenet: “Never take your eyes off the spider.” You and me? We’re worldly wise travellers on life’s highways and byways, but the young and callow count on us for this sort of guidance. Spiders, like investments, health and unattended bicycles, have a tendency to vanish without proper supervision.
Joe Provost would like me to remind the kids that, “We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.” That is so true. I often remind myself of this when I reflect upon how I walked away from what was shaping up to be a major career as a supermodel. Alas. I probably would have been a judge on X Factor by now ... if only my parents hadn’t forced me to go to university, instead.
I’ve been giving this next one a great deal of thought. It’s concise and piercing: “Let go or get dragged.” Yes, these are the lyrics that accompany the musical slap in the face we all need at some point in our lives. Move on! Next! Tomorrow is another day! This one is going on Page 58. But that’s not the only reason why I can’t get this one out of my mind. The maxim was supplied by one Pony Heath. Pony says she’s been compiling a list of epigrams over the years, and this is a particular favourite. What I want to know is: is Pony your real name? Are you related to the chocolate bar Heaths? There’s gotta be a story behind a name like Pony Heath.
Sports coaches are fountains of inspirational material. From T-ball to pro-ball, the rousing half-time oratory by the coach of the beleaguered team is cinematic legend. In that same tradition, Post reader and swimming coach Allen Batchelar encouraged his young charges with these two beauties. One is from Star Wars’ Yoda: “There is no try, only do.” The other, hailing from Nicholas Monsaratt’s book, The Cruel Sea, performs a yeoman’s service to the idea that if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well: “I know it’s a small thing, but you might as well get it right.” This gentle phrase coaxes earnest effort from someone blind to the elegance of small perfections. Brenda Harfield echoes this sentiment with, “Things that you do, do with all your might.
Many of the emailed quotes spoke of effort, of action. Eleanor Bell, however, suggested I recommend to my kids the restorative value of inaction, namely, sleep. She cites Shakespeare’s line, ‘Sleep, that knits the ravelled sleeve of care.” The culture of sleep deprivation to which we now all ascribe is probably behind many of society’s maladies. What might the world be like if, just for once, the entire planet got a decent night’s sleep?
I’ll be plagiarizing Wendy OrrBrown’s admonition, “The world is full of guys. Be a man,” in hope this resonates with a particular lad. I’m trusting that RAF pilot Douglas Bader’s wisdom, “Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men,” isn’t lost on my young savages, and I thank Paul Jones for sending in that pearl. Platitude collector Wendy M. Cecil suggests I include the sentiment from an old, framed embroidery. It reads, “Don’t wait for your ship to come in if you haven’t sent one out.” Thanks, Wendy: I’ll have worn that one threadbare in by Christmas. And speaking of Christmas, Angie Darling quotes Seuss’s Grinch: “Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas ... perhaps ... means a little bit more!”
So, this year’s gift will mean a little bit more. Another bonus? It’ll still be a surprise because, as of this writing, my kids still haven’t read my last column.
Ha! But try though they may, there is no escaping ... the Momiderata!