THE CREATIVE WAYS PARENTS ARE AVOIDING DAD’S LAST NAME.

Kids taking dad’s last name is no longer a given

In an age where many women keep their own last name after marriage, couples are coming up with a variety of tradition- defying surnames for their kids. Pushing back against the position that kids will automatically assume a father’s last name, families are hyphenating names, creating hybrid names and opting for one kid to take one parent’s name, and the other child, the other’s.

“We wanted some kind of way to honour both of our last names,” said Karen Leslie, a mother of four from Toronto. Leslie and her husband decided their first child would take his name, and the second child, hers. The decision, she said, was organic, and their third and fourth kids followed suit alternating last names. “We’re celebrating both of our last names,” she said. “Why does one name take precedence over the other? There’s no good explanation, for us, why one family history is more important.”

“It definitely speaks to gender equality,” said Alyson Schafer, a therapist and parenting expert based outside of Toronto. “Women are no longer men’s chattel, and this is just one more way to prove equality between the sexes.” Schafer said she’s seeing more couples, both opposite and same- sex, create “joint” last names — either a combination name or an entirely new name — for their families. “The benefit of a joint name is a) we created it, and b) we are making our own identity,” she said. “It also eliminates the need for a child to have one name or the other.”

A commonly held belief is that parents travelling with kids with whom they do not share a last name could face hassles when crossing the border. Regardless of last name, Canada Border Services Agency says it’s a good idea for parents to fill out a travel consent letter if children are travelling alone, or with one parent.

“Sometimes my husband has the kids, or I’ve had them,” Leslie said. “We haven’t to date had any issues. We’ve always had the appropriate documentation with us.”

While the name debate isn’ t new, it’s growing in popularity. Olivia Church, 19, has her f ather’s l ast name, and her 25- year- old sister, Alice Cavanagh, has her mom’s. “I never felt like it was weird for me in any way,” said Church, a student from Toronto. “My parents don’t have the same last name either, so for me, it’s just the norm.” Church said she likes how her parents named her, and feels there’s no difference between her and her sister. “My dad’s last name is one of my middle names,” Cavanagh, Olivia’s sister, added. “My full name is Alice Mary Church Cavanagh, wi t h ‘ Mar y Church’ being my grandmother’s name.”

Though not a parent, Cavanagh said she’s thought about how she will approach naming her future children. “Obviously it would be a decision me and my partner would have to think through together,” she said. “But I would be really receptive to the idea of doing something like my parents did.”