BELICHICK THE UNLIKABLE GENIUS
THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT HIS HEARTLESSNESS WAS THAT HE WAS ALWAYS RIGHT
In the spirit of a New Year’s cleanse, but just in spirit because I don’t want to give up anything too important like sugar or beer, I have come to accept the following uncomfortable realizations: I’m never going to dunk a basketball, that Nigerian prince is not actually going to send me one million dollars, and Bill Belichick is unquestionably a damn fine football coach.
That l ast one was the hardest admission. I grew up in southern Ontario at a time in which the Buffalo Bills of Jim Kelly and Marv Levy were tremendous fun — right up until the Super Bowl — and that fandom carried into the Doug Flutie years. I’m mostly a lapsed Bills fan now, which is what 17 years without a playoff appearance will do, but cared enough for long enough to develop a deep and abiding dislike for the New England Patriots. OK, fine, a hatred.
One learned to hate the Pats for the obvious reason, primarily, which is that they reliably matched up against your team in a David and Goliath sense, except David forgot his slingshot back at the hovel and Goliath caved his head in with a large stone. Since Tom Brady arrived in Belichick’s second season in New England, the Patriots are 28- 4 against the Bills. In games in which Brady played all four quarters, it’s 28- 2. Head, meet rock.
But the Pats made themselves hateable in other ways: the relentless surliness of Belichick himself, which dovetailed nicely with the fact that he has proven to be the most coldhearted roster manager that football has ever seen. Belichick doesn’t just dump Patriots stars when they are past their prime, he has a remarkable knack for dumping them right about when they are at their apex. Most organizations acknowledge the bond between a star player and a city and will keep that player around even when it might start becoming a negative for the on- field product. Most fans are OK with this even if they know that, rationally, they shouldn’t care if a favourite player spends his declining years playing for a rival.
Be li chick has never cared a whit for such sentimentality. He chewed up and spit out Pats hero after Pats hero, as though he had some kind of merchandising bonus in his contract that would kick in if he forced enough f ans to buy new jerseys to replace those of departed players. The most annoying thing about his heartlessness was that he was always right. Just when you thought he was finally being too cute by half — dumping Randy Moss after four games in 2010, after he had just led the NFL in touchdown catches, springs to mind — the story ends with the Pats back in the playoffs again. Moss had five touchdown catches in 28 post-New England games with three teams and then was out of football.
Belichick’s dispassionate management is undoubtedly a big factor in his remarkable consistency: 14 playoff appearances in 16 seasons and this about to be his seventh Super Bowl. He and Brady have made it to the final four 11 times. By comparison, the Green Bay Packers have made the playoffs 13 times over that stretch but made the Super Bowl once and the final four three times. Pittsburgh has made the playoffs 11 times in the past 16 seasons, made the Super Bowl three times and the conference finals five times. And Green Bay and Pittsburgh have each had down years over that period; the Packers with a four- win and a six- win campaign and the Steelers with a six-win year and a handful of eight- win seasons. The Patriots won nine games in Belichick’s third season but have won at least 10 in every other year.
Of course a huge part of the coach’s success is due to his quarterback, the annoyingly handsome Hall of Famer with the exotic supermodel wife, but it remains that Belichick himself is t he one constant throughout this long period of success. He won 11 games with Matt frigging Cassel at quarterback in 2008 after Brady went down with a knee injury and this season, with Brady suspended for four games, Belichick went 3-1 with a combination of Jimmy Garoppolo and Jacoby Brissett under centre. ( Note: actual people.) We are pretty much at the point where Belichick could squeeze eight wins out of a discarded mop at quarterback. Or, like, Blake Bortles.
Belichick has done this over the years while a succession of lieutenants have gone on to take head coaching jobs and ( mostly) fail at them and key personnel managers have similarly left. The grumpy old coach just grinds on, playoffs after playoffs.
Other teams rise up, then fall spectacularly. Just this season, Carolina and Arizona turned into pumpkins after making the conference championship l ast year. Belichick loses his quarterback for a quarter of the season and goes 14-2 and back to the Super Bowl.
And that’s the story of this coach and this team, in an era when league rules relentlessly push good teams back to the middle. Belichick, through all the turnover on the roster and otherwise, has made himself parity- proof. It would probably be easier to like the Patriots if we had ever been able enjoy their failure, just a little.
It’s just that Belichick has never given us the chance.