Leave love out of it
Valentine’s Day, like Christmas, is insulated against criticism by cliché. Every sensible person is quite aware that the holiday is fatuous, irrelevant and hopelessly profit-oriented. But every sensible person is also quite aware that other sensible people are aware of it. Which puts the lot of us in a difficult situation.
We may be inclined to think the adult who celebrates Valentine’s in earnest a fool. The adult who scoffs and scorns, though – we may think even worse. We can’t easily criticize Valentine’s Day, because to do so is to be a bore.
If we can’t easily denounce the holiday, what can we do? We can ignore it and let it pass by like any other day, unremarked upon entirely. But this too carries a stigma. “I reject the social pressure of the holiday,” is interpreted as, “I don’t want to pay for an expensive dinner.” Much like the man who insists that his refusal to buy an engagement ring is an act of political obduracy, the anti-Valentine’s lover and his quiet nobility is widely suspect.
Nobody wants their affection doubted, let alone their generosity.
Even the modern couple who decide mutually to refrain from the ritual will have their resolve tested. They may face the dread question in the days following the holiday (“and what did you two get up to?”). Or they may be confronted by self- apprehension: “does my partner really want to forgo Valentine’s? Or was the demurral in truth a fake-out?” We might suspect that, “let’s not to do Valentine’s Day this year,” really means, “I secretly would still very much like to be surprised.”
Perhaps it’s one of those unspoken agreements. The invitation may say “no gifts necessary.” But you damned-well better bring one.
Of course you could perform the ritual with a wink. You could reserve a table at the finest restaurant, order a bouquet of roses to be delivered to your beloved’s place of work, buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates – all the while acknowledging with a smile how ridiculous this whole thing is.
The peril, I should caution, lay in social media, which does not handle the nuances of romantic irony well. Share even a single photograph of your extravagant date and, no matter how wry the caption – no matter how hard you try to make light of the grand romance you feel you’re gamely skewering – you will not look cool.
Indulge in the tradition if you must. But when it comes to broadcasting the results, refrain.