Family court needs a reboot

Re: The root of the family law mess, Mar. 22 Family Court is too often the home of uncivilized attitudes and behaviour. For many parents, it’s an alienating experience and puts hurdles in the path of parental co-operation. While it’s in the best interests of children that parental conflict be minimized as quickly as possible, the family court system often creates as many problems as it solves.

Inasmuch as courts rely on the professional expertise of mediators, psychologists, social workers and the like to decide on effective parenting plans, could the process not be speeded up, made less expensive and the system ultimately fairer if decisions were made, in the first instance, by a meeting of minds among such professionals?

If their consultative decisions don’t work out, parents could always choose to get lawyers and the courts involved, but a new alternative is needed as a cost-efficient, timely and universal first choice for disputing parents. Doug Couper, Milton, Ont.

A mother’s point of view

Having experienced my own bitter divorce and visitation disputes a few years ago, I feel like I have some wisdom to share. I regret fighting to keep my child from her father, even though I was devastated when the judge granted shared visitation.

I realize now that a child is not a possession to be fought over. A child has the right to know both his/her parents, regardless of who they are, how they live, what they do, how much money they earn, where they came from. Fighting and bitterness does not a good role model make. All the energy and money spent battling in court would be better spent showering this poor child with love and affection – from both parents.

One day when that child gets older and realizes he/she doesn’t know their father, the mother will be blamed for it, and the natural curiosity and desire to know him will be so strong, your child may not want to live with you anymore.

A child cannot ever have too much love or family around them. So stop this nonsense. Let your child spend time with their father and get to know him, before one day you will know what real loss is. Focus on building your own relationship with your child, and use the time that the child is with the father to find yourself again. Tessa MacLeod, Calgary

A judge responds

Christie Blatchford wrote near the end of her article, “Family court is the place where any hope of minimally civilized human behaviour goes to die.”

This sweeping generalization is unfair to the great majority of people attending the Family Court and to the court’s staff and judges. The Family Court was, and I believe still is, a place where many difficult and highly emotional family cases can be resolved with civilized results. It is not as Ms. Blatchford describes it. James P. Felstiner, retired judge, Ontario Family Court, Toronto