Why flirting in the wired world has become a dead language

confident flirts I know. Olivia Grace is a Toronto- based seduction expert. Olivia tells me that flirting “is all about making someone feel special.”

Conceptually, I don’t disagree that making someone feel special seems like a good strategy. But how do you do that subtly? Olivia suggests lots of smiling, open body language and “touching them on the forearm.” Unfortunately, when I tried the forearm trick, I patted the guy I was chatting with a little too hard. He may have thought I was slapping him. Needless to say, it didn’t go well.

Next, I consulted a therapist, whom we’ll call Hyacinth. When I first walked into her airy downtown office, I had visions of leaving a reborn, flirtatious phoenix, rising from the ashes of failed romantic encounters. However, my “session” mostly consisted of Hyacinth regaling me with the story of how she met her second husband at a Scrabble tournament.

After I explained my Scrabble skills were lacking, Hyacinth made me roleplay laughing at a date’s jokes. She found that my laugh skews too friendly and isn’t at all sexy. Ultimately, I paid a licensed therapist $130 an hour to tell me to speak in a higher tone of voice when I’m interested in someone. Surprisingly, sounding like a little girl did not get me propositioned.

Flirting is supposed to be about playfulness. It’s supposed to be about having fun and discovering whether you have a connection with someone. It’s supposed to be natural. The fact that many folks are now turning to professionals to teach us how to talk to one another is troubling, yes; but simultaneously hopeful.

This cottage industry of dating coach-

There’s a strange irony to all of this. Online interactions contribute to social isolation, which in turn, spawns a form of emotional abuse repackaged as a viable dating strategy.

Yet, the downfall of this so- called game has largely been through online interactions, with women shaming men attempting such despicable strategies by sharing on social media, and in turn, raising awareness of it to other would-be victims.

In this sense, technology brings us closer together after driving us apart. And it’s not just through the reprehensible stuff either. Seemingly, the moment anybody says something smooth, it begins trending on Twitter. Remember “Netflix and chill?” That went from a sexy proposition to a tired line in a matter of days. There is nothing to be said that will win over a heart and mind.

In an era where flirting is all but dead, and yet our desires remain constant, what’s a single person to do? Here’s what I learned from my awkward, failed attempts at flirtation and becoming a better flirt: I can only be me.

Yes, the cheesy moral of the story for every romantic comedy is true. I’m a girl who doesn’t know the right thing to say; a girl who accidentally slaps men she’s trying to beguile; a girl whose own therapist calls her laugh unsexy. And I just have to come to grips with the fact that it’s exactly that kind of weirdo that the one for me is after.

To that person – I hope – a fumbling flirtation will be just as seductive as Lauren Bacall saying, “You just put your lips together and … blow.”