Czech brewery’s Beer for Her more insulting than empowering

Guess what, ladies? The time has finally come: we now have our very own beer.

Mercifully brought to us by Czech beer brand Aurosa, this new “premium lifestyle beer” launched in the U. K. last week. It’s available in some easy- on- the- eyes pink packaging — our fave colour — complete with floral patterns and curlicued font. The shiny bottle resembles a marble countertop, a comforting throwback to the place where we all belong: the kitchen.

The bottle is so delicate. Why risk a fainting spell attempting to lift one of those massive, brutish bottles that store other beers ( Ew! Am I right?) when we can instead gently caress a glass of Beer for Her and preserve our dainty hands and graceful posture?

It’s a wonder science has taken so long to find a way to bottle kittens and glitter, with a single glass bound to result in a hangover of giggles.

I mean, sure, we have the right to vote, work and wear pants (or no pants) if we desire, but what did any of that really mean when all we had to celebrate was some bubbly pink rosé at best?

Marketed as “a representation of a woman’s strength and a girl’s tenderness,” you’re guaranteed to be holding and drinking a bottle as delicate as you are (even during your time of the month, ladies). After all, just imagining a glass of Guinness is enough to warrant hysterics. Finally, the representation we’ve been looking for, beyond all class and colour.

If you somehow need further convincing, the website tells us that “Aurosa was born to prove that women can succeed anywhere without having to adapt and sacrifice their natural femininity.”

So, in many ways, Beer for Her is breaking the glass ceiling. My only question is: why did it take so gosh darn long?