Aunt-idote to diaspora advice
AN ILLUSTRATED SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR WOMEN
To live as a woman of colour in the diaspora is to continually be in a strenuous relationship with yourself. It’s a reality demonstrated by Toronto illustrator Maria Qamar in her first book, Trust No Aunty, an illustrated survival guide for desi ( a loose term for South Asian people and culture) girls everywhere, who are burdened with bicultural identities and by the overbearing aunties who instill them.
The 170- page book includes comical, illustrated scenarios, similar to the artwork of her popular Instagram account, that many desi girls endure in adolescence: the over-feeder aunty who presumes you have a bottomless pit of a stomach; the online stalker aunty whose life objective is to surveil your every move online; or, the matchmaker aunty who believes that the only remarkable achievement in life for a young woman is marriage.
Despite their various faces, these aunties consistently represent the figures in our lives that subject us to live within the realm of normativity and are prepared to catch us and correct us anytime we try to escape it.
Imitating the nonchalant shade and support for the patriarchy delivered daily by aunties and nosy neighbours, Trust No Aunty explores the overbearing i nterference that Qamar, a 26-year-old immigrant from Pakistan, has herself survived while living in a South Asian immigrant household. Her book, which has received praise from Mindy Kaling herself, helps other women of colour cope with meddling aunties and community members: alongside her colourful illustrations are step-by-step recipes for traditional dishes ( each with her own personalized spin), clever career advice, suggestions on dealing with racism in the workplace ( or anywhere else), personal essays about shadeism, and tips about where to go on dates with non-desi lovers without getting caught.
Qamar speaks directly to young women of colour navigating the difficulties of living in a world where traditions, cultural practices and values clash with their learned identities at home. All of the comical illustrations, recipe guides or scenarios that Qamar demonstrates is relatable to any young woman of colour who is attempting to locate authenticity in a life of cultural duality. In Trust No Aunty they can find affinity, and a lot of laughter.
Rupi Kaur, a desi artist based in Toronto, recently received criticism for a temperament in her creative work that allows her to become marketable to audiences from varying cultural locations. Kaur’s poetry (which has garnered widespread attention through Instagram and her bestseller, Milk and Honey) continuously alludes to themes of her cultural identity without explicitly naming them. Instead, her audience can find solace in themes pertaining to the experiences of a woman of colour without knowing the intimacy of those experiences themselves. The poet makes her work both relatable and commercially viable with this approach — arguably for a white readership — without alienating readers like herself.
Qamar’s specified audience, however, is overtly clear in her work: Trust No Aunty is a piece for young desi women who are able to identify the traditions, customs and even dishes that Qamar names throughout. What the artist does differently — and quite successfully — is allow for her non-desi audience to identify with the themes of her life without necessarily sharing the same cultural locations or lived experiences. Trust No Aunty will resonate with non-desi women of colour from other cultural environments who can relate to the many themes that, alongside Qamar, they know intimately: secrecy, clashing dualities, authenticity and a longing to belong.
Qamar reminds women of colour in the diaspora to trust no ‘aunty’ and to, rather, trust ourselves instead.