‘Time has not been kind’: Lonely Planet’s other Canada
As many as 20 million tourists will have visited Canada this year. Many will have plotted their itineraries based on a single, 900-page book: The Lonely Planet Canada travel guide. Naturally, the book has high praise for Old Québec, Whistler and Haida Gwaii. But what about the grittier, less tourist-friendly corners of our great country? What follows is a gallery of all the Canadian cities and towns that got a diplomatic trashtalking from the world’s largest guidebook publisher, writes Tristin Hopper:
ST. ANDREWS BY- THE- SEA, NEW BRUNSWICK
USA Today just picked St. Andrews By-The-Sea as Canada’s No. 1 travel spot. Lonely Planet describes the town as “genteel,” “picturesque” and “colourful.” But an ominous warning is given to visitors who want to drop by in the off- season. “The rest of the year there are more seagulls than people,” the guide reads.
COCHRANE, ONT.
“Time has not been kind to little Cochrane,” says Lonely Planet. Time has not been kind to a lot of Canadian places, but Cochrane is more noticeable to the average tourist because of its role as a stop on the Polar Bear Express. “Cochrane doesn’t pretend to be a dainty tourist destination and, in a way, that honesty is refreshing,” reads the guide, adding that “evidence of long, harsh winters is conspicuous.” “Spread out and frigidly cold for much of the year.” It’s not incorrect that Edmonton is sprawled and cold. Lonely Planet is also correct to note that the Alberta capital is more likely to be read about “in the business pages than the travel supplements.” However, it was the travel guide’s concurrent praise of Calgary that predictably got Edmonton’s back up. Cowtown was lauded as a “cando,” “cool” hub that pulled off an Olympics. “Not bad for a bunch of cowboys,” declares the guide.
CARMACKS, YUKON
George Carmack was one of the three men who officially kicked off the Klondike Gold Rush, indeed abandoned his Yukon family soon after striking it rich. “Given his record as a husband and father, it’s fitting that Carmack be honored by this uninspired collection of gas stations and places to stay,” it reads.
KITCHENERWATERLOO, ONT.
Kitchener-Waterloo is two cities for the price of one, and it even contains the headquarters for BlackBerry. However, “neither city is particularly exciting,” writes Lonely Planet. If it doesn’t happen to be Oktoberfest, tourists are advised to speed through as quickly as possible.
KAMLOOPS, B. C.
Lonely Planet doesn’t say anything negative about Kamloops, per se. But of only three paragraphs used to describe the 90,000- person city, one of them mentions that it served as a shooting location for the critically panned 2017 Power Rangers reboot.
NIAGARA FALLS, ONT.
“Tacky outdated amusement park.” It is extremely uncontroversial to call Niagara Falls’ tourism core “tacky.” The place is so empirically tacky, in fact, that one of the signature goals of Parks Canada is to strenuously protect Canada’s other natural wonders from falling to the same fate. So, Lonely Planet is really only doing its job when it calls the city “a crass morass of casinos, sleazy motels, tourist traps and strip joints.” After all, lots of people love those things.
PRINCE GEORGE, B. C.
Prince George used to be a favourite punching bag for citizens of B. C.’s Lower Mainland — until Metro Vancouverites started noticing that young people in Prince George are still allowed to buy houses. Lonely Planet mentions it mostly as a necessary stopover point to other destinations. “The downtown, no beauty- contest winner, is compact and has some good restaurants,” it notes.
SAULT STE MARIE, ONT.
Another city that seems to be mentioned primarily because Lonely Planet readers are likely going to encounter it while en route to other places. “Let’s face it, Sault Ste. Marie is not the prettiest city,” it reads. However, that doesn’t mean the city isn’t “friendly” and a “logical stop” given the sparse settlement of Northern Ontario.
TORONTO
The CN Tower is a “giant hypodermic concrete needle” but Lonely Planet loves Toronto. The book’s fawning descriptions of the Ontario capital seem almost to have been written by the city’s department of economic development; “some of the world’s finest restaurants,” “a city that is waking up to its own greatness,” et cetera. However, the book has a special section on the paranormal awfulness of the TTC, and it levels some scorn at Canada’s tallest free- standing structure. “Its function as a communica- tions tower takes a back seat to relieving tourists of as much cash as possible,” it reads.
WINDSOR, ONT.
Being a stone’s throw from the total urban decay Detroit would do wonders for anyone’s civic pride. But that doesn’t mean Windsor isn’t also in a rough patch. “Windsor’s empty facades bear the scars of decline,” it reads, noting the city as an “interesting urban curiosity.”