IF YOU PAY THEM, THEY WILL SPAM YOU.

I suppose I really shouldn’t start the New Year by dropping names but over the holidays I received seasonal greetings from three prime ministers: one sitting, two ex. And how, ahem, did you do?

My three PMs were Justin Trudeau, Paul Martin and Jean Chrétien. And their greetings were not so much in the traditional yuletide sense as in the tax- seasonal sense. The three emailed to remind me that as the clock ticked down to midnight on Dec. 31 the tax credits I could get by making a donation to the Liberal Party of Canada were about to evaporate. And these credits were big: as much as $ 650 if I made the maximum allowable contribution of $1,575, even bigger in proportional terms if I gave less. As a handy table showed, if I gave $ 5, the ultimate cost to me after receiving my tax credits would be just $1.25. You’ve got to admit: 75 per cent off, which is the rate on your first $400 of contributions, is a good deal even by Boxing Week standards. The country’s politicians clearly believe charity begins at home.

In terms of hard sell, the Liberals rival the most aggressive e- retailers, generating almost as many emails as Hillary Clinton. On the 25th, blessedly, nothing came in. I assume everyone in the party had the day off to celebrate our Progressive Leader’s birthday. But between the 26th and 31st I received 20 emails from the Liberals reminding me I still had room in my donation account to make a contribution. On the 31st alone, as my potential tax credits waned, I received messages at: 7: 26 a. m. ( from the PM, clearly an early riser), 12: 32 p. m., 2: 51 p. m., 5: 38 p. m., 8: 22 p. m., and, finally, one last desperate attempt at 10: 23 p. m. You have to admire hopefulness and persistence, even when robotic.

In his message, Justin Trudeau addressed me by name, noted that my account at that point stood at $ 0 but even so was gracious enough to tell me nothing the party had achieved in 2017 would have been possible without me. ( You’re welcome, sir.) Nor would anything it planned f or 2018. ( That was tempting. I didn’t give. We’ll see if their plans go amiss.)

Twenty emails in six days is “deliverology” made flesh. The party’s money-gatherers evidently have been told to deliver, or else. Maybe “or else” would be a useful message for those running the government’s Phoenix pay system.

In case you’re wondering why I’m on the federal Liberals’ email list, I don’t believe I’ve ever donated to them but when the choice in a Quebec election has been between the provincial Liberals and the country- destroyer Parti Québécois, I’ve given to the Liberals, who must share their lists with their federal cousins.

Among the 20 emails there were several eyecatching “From’s”: Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland, who impresses more as foreign minister than she did as inequality scourge; Sophie Grégoire Trudeau, mother of the PM’s children, who generously thanked me “for being a constant source of inspiration as we work together, building a country we are all proud to call home”; François- Philippe Champagne, minister of international trade, who has lots of work to do this year repairing trade relations with China, our prospective TPP partners, and the U. S., all of which soured badly in 2017; the three PMs; the party’s national director; its chief fundraiser, and so on. I had more messages from Liberals over Christmas than Scrooge did from ghosts.

In fairness, I also received emails — though only four — from the Conservatives. They also wanted money. The party’s communications director wrote with the joyous news that “Results are in, and Andrew Scheer is the top trending Canadian political figure of 2017!” And he went on: “The top question about Andrew was exactly how many kids he has. So, in case you were wondering, Andrew and his wife Jill have five children …” Colour me humbug but do we really care how many children a putative prime minister has — except insofar as the Ethics Commissioner may have to declare on whether he should recuse himself when Cabinet discusses childcare subsidies?

One encouraging aspect of the emails was how they showed our two major parties do understand people respond to incentives. Both hammered home how, thanks to the tax breaks, the net cost of any contribution was much, much less than the gross cost. If you subsidize charity, they clearly believe, you will get more charity. All they have to do now, the Liberals especially, is turn that around: If you tax work and investment, you will get less work and investment.

For the rest of us, the key question is: If we respond to their emails by sending money, will that only encourage them?

THE LIBERALS RIVAL THE MOST AGGRESSIVE E-RETAILERS, GENERATING ALMOST AS MANY EMAILS AS HILLARY CLINTON.