Stay-together sibling choice has pros, cons
Enrolling siblings in the same private school may make sense logistically, but is it really the best for each individual child? There are pros and cons to consider, says Jane Kristoffy, educational consultant and founder of Right Track Educational Services in Toronto.
Some students thrive when there is no longer the worry of meeting the expectations set prior to their arrival at a school; others appreciate the comfort of having familiar faces around them, she says.
There are a great many options available to families today, with something for everyone in terms of need, learning style, interests, budget and religion, says Kristoffy. “The key is in making the right choice for each child whether they are in the same family or not. Different schools suit different personalities.”
Sibling rivalry within the school environment can be both positive and negative. In some cases, where an academically gifted student finds a good fit with a school, it encourages siblings to attain the level of success earned by an older child, she says. “Another sibling may struggle in that the same environment and when a younger child lacks the skill and ability to keep up it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. That, in turn, may affect academic success and self-worth. This starts in the elementary years, when sibling relationships really matter.”
Sometimes it is the child who makes the decision to separate, Kristoffy says, citing sisters who attend different schools. “The younger adores and admires her older sister but wants to do her own thing. She is now thriving because she is out of her sister’s shadow. She is coming into her own because the school is cultivating her individual needs.”
Tomas Karger knows a thing or two about expectations set by older siblings. However, he can also attest to the benefits of having family around during the school years. Karger attended private school with his two sisters — one older, one younger.
“My older sister is exceptionally smart and was a very good student. On the one hand, it set up a good relationship with the teachers; on the other, they were expecting big things from me,” he says.
“Looking back, though, I would say it likely had a positive effect on my education. She did well and the teachers respected her. I felt I should do the same.”
Another positive in attending the same school is that older siblings have ‘been there, done that.’ They are familiar with the lay of the land and can help smooth the transition for family members that follow. For Karger and his younger sister, that meant getting a heads-up on teachers that were strict and how best to complete assignments and manage classes. “We shared tips and tricks that had worked for each of us,” he says.
His younger sister also benefitted in other ways, adds Karger. “My older sister and I thought it was fun to teach her the new things that we had learned at school, especially when she was really young,” he says. “We taught her factoring in math much earlier than she would have otherwise been introduced to the subject. She was smart and picked it up quickly, plus she enjoyed the attention. It was nice to pass on what we were learning to such a willing student.”
For many siblings, an older brother or sister in the same environment affords a level of confidence and security. That was the case for Karger. “I not only had my sister at the school, I knew her friends, so there was already a bit of a community around me when I joined. There was also a sense of comfort knowing my older sister was there and that she had my back should issues arise,” he says, recalling one particular incident where he was being bullied. “I shrugged it off, but my sister intervened and was sent to the principal’s office. It was the only time she got into trouble at school and it was because she was defending my honour and that of the family. I see that as a positive.”
Karger, who is now father to four, harkens back to his school days when considering education options for his children. Three of the four are now in the same elementary school (the youngest will follow in a couple of years). “I see them in the halls waving to each other. There is positive energy there. I understand firsthand the feeling of safety that comes from being together,” he says.
Children can certainly benefit from the security and confidence that comes from being in the same elementary school, notes Kristoffy.
“As they grow and move toward high school it is important to consider the unique characteristics of each child, however. If parents understand individual learning needs, do the work and investigate all the options, they can find a perfect fit that will be rewarding for everyone. That may mean remaining in the same school, or splitting up siblings so they can find their own path.”