POT USERS’ GUIDE: HOW TO BREAK UP with your dealer

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With the legalization of cannabis looming in Canada, strong bonds between pot dealers and clients, forged in basements and bedrooms, living rooms and parked cars, will be coming to an uncomfortable close across the country. Anticipating this — perhaps too late for those who’ve left dealers for dispensaries already — the National Post consulted etiquette experts for advice on how to let a dealer down easy.

DON’T GHOST

You must remember, says Ottawa etiquette instructor Julie Blais Comeau, that you may see this fellow or lady in the grocery store. And what a dreadful encounter that would be, if you abruptly cut off contact without an explanation. “You don’t want to be hiding,” she says. Instead, she suggests paying one final visit to your “service provider” and telling them in person that you won’t be returning. It’s better than a card, since most drug dealer’s are not fond of their services being detailed in writing.

‘LISTEN, GARTH’

Louise Fox of Etiquette Ladies, however, believes that because it is, in essence, a business relationship, a break-up conversation isn’t always necessary. “Giving an explanation is a thoughtful kindness but not compulsory,” she says. If you choose to tell them, Fox suggests something like this: “Garth, over the years you’ve provided a great product when I needed it and I want you to know I appreciate it. Thank you for understanding that now that the business has changed you won’t be seeing me as often. Good luck and I hope you are successful at whatever you choose to do.”

WHAT DO YOU DO IF THEY INSIST?

There’s a possibility, as police organizations across Canada have worried publicly about, that your black market service provider may be persistent.

They might tell you about what they believe to be insufficiencies in the legalized market. Or perhaps they’ve lowered their prices below market rate.

These pleadings, says Blais Comeau, would be terribly inappropriate — a breach of etiquette by your dealer.

Do not capitulate, she says.

“If you are the recipient of the cessation of service, it’s best to say thank you for letting me know,” she advises dealers.

Clients, she says, should politely tell them: “My decision is firm” and “I’ve thought this through” and “I appreciate you pointing out the benefits of pointing out your service and product.”

“Anybody in the herbal business must have seen this coming for a while,” Louise Fox says, “and shouldn’t be surprised if they have fewer customers. It’s not much different than it was for the guy who sold horse and buggies or 8 track tapes.”

NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE

If you’ve appreciated this dealer’s promptness, or selection, or candour, tell them so. But there is no need to apologize, says Blais Comeau. “The choice is yours in the end,” she says. “Just face the facts and use something like, ‘It’s not you but this situation has evolved.’”

STAYING FRIENDS

This can be tricky. What if your dealer thinks your relationship is more than just business? Or maybe you considered them a friend while they thought of you only as a client. Or worse, maybe they’re family. “That’s where transparency can be helpful,” says Lisa Orr, a Toronto etiquette and protocol instructor. “Be transparent about why you’re making the choice.” Be clear it isn’t about them or their service. And if it is a true friendship, tell them. If it isn’t, tell them you appreciate their friendship anyway, and allow the march of time to gently phase out the relationship without any sting. “Both sides have something to lose. You don’t want your dealer to be upset with you and somehow hold that against you.”

SMOKE POT TOGETHER?

If you wish to stay friends, there may come a time where you will be using someone else’s product in front of them. It’s like seeing your old barber while wearing a haircut from another. “We’re all — to some degree — grownups,” Orr says. “You can’t control their reaction. If you treat them with respect and with grace, it’s often what you’ll experience back.” So just don’t brag about your new cannabis source. “It might be a topic you don’t talk about together anymore,” Orr says.