Are you always running late?
HERE ARE 7 TIPS TO GET YOU THERE ON TIME
Elise Volkmann spent years operating on EST: Elise Standard Time. Friends and family knew she’d always be 15 minutes late.
“I didn’t like it, but I didn’t know how to fix it,” says Volkmann, 30, a massage therapist in Seattle. Until one day she did: She left home 30 minutes before she needed to and realized that not being in a hurry was “awesome.”
Christina Garrett, 36, a mom of five in Montgomery, Ala., calls herself a recovering late person. Something would inevitably pop up as she was leaving and eventually “it was expected of our family that we would arrive after the start time of any activity.”
Garrett’s turning point was being pulled over by police three times in one week because she was rushing. One officer said lots of people have accidents because they’re late and driving too fast and reminded her she had “precious cargo” in her minivan.
Many of us are chronically late. Often, it’s caused by attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, which has traits such as inattention and impulsivity.
Chronic lateness is “extremely common among people with ADHD. More of them have it than not,” says Mary Solanto, a professor at Hofstra Northwell School of Medicine in Long Island. “It’s a very big problem: People have been fired because they’re chronically late. It has significant consequences.”
In general, people with ADHD don’t have a good sense of time, says Solanto. “They tend to fly by the seat of their pants and do things spontaneously and they don’t plan for many things.”
A handful of other personality types more likely than others to be late, theorizes Linda Sapadin, a clinical psychologist in New York:
❚ The perfectionist, who might fuss over her hair or the font size on her work presentation, determined to get it right even at the cost of being late.
❚ The crisis-maker who “needs an adrenalin rush to get going.”
❚ The dreamer who “doesn’t pay enough attention to detail.”
❚ The pleaser who says yes to everyone.
❚ The defier who rebels against expectations.
Fortunately, there are ways to overcome chronic lateness. Here are some strategies:
❚ 1. Figure out exactly how long it will take to get somewhere, then build in extra time. People often underestimate the amount of time it takes to reach their destination, says Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist in Massachusetts. You might assume it takes 20 minutes to drive to the theatre, but that’s not accounting for traffic, finding parking, walking to the entrance, standing in line to buy a ticket (or snacks), finding the right movie and settling into your seat.
And don’t plan to arrive right on time, say, 7 p.m. if that’s when the dance recital starts. “That literally gives you a one-minute window in which to be on time,” Hendriksen says. “And then anything after that, you’re late. If you aim to be 10 minutes early, now you have a 10-minute window in which you can be on time.”
❚ 2. Surround yourself with clocks. “Analogue clocks, the ones with faces, give you a visual cue and you can actually see the passing of time,” says Rashelle Isip, a New York-based time management coach.
Prominently display clocks everywhere you spend time, she suggests, including your living room and office. And don’t discount a “good old-fashioned wristwatch.” Wearing one can help you get in the habit of checking the time and ensuring your day is proceeding according to schedule, Isip says.
❚ 3. Set lots of alarms. This is one of Solanto’s favourite tips for people with ADHD, but it can be useful for anyone who struggles with punctuality. “Set one for the time you have to start getting ready to leave and one for when you actually have to leave the house,” she says. Set another for whatever time your appointment starts.
❚ 4. Create artificial deadlines. If you’re what Sapadin calls a “crisis-maker,” you crave the thrill of a tight deadline. So set an extra early deadline for yourself: If you absolutely have to be out of the house at 7 p.m., tell yourself you’ll leave by 6:30 or else. “You’re fooling yourself, but we do lots of things to fool ourselves and it works,” she says.
❚ 5. Don’t start an enjoyable or important activity before a pressing event. Solanto advises not diving into your favourite video game or even beginning a task in the hour or so leading up to your departure time. “Putting the brakes on” is challenging, especially for people with ADHD, she says. It wouldn’t be surprising if you were still engrossed in the activity hours past the time you were supposed to leave.
❚ 6. Plan what you’ll do if you’re early. “Waiting is really anathema for people with ADHD,” Solanto says, and many prefer to be late than to wind up with time to kill. The solution? Bring something you’ll enjoy like a magazine or a game you downloaded on your smartphone. That can make the waiting time more palatable, she says. (This can also serve Sapadin’s perfectionist; having something to look forward to can be reason enough to leave rather than finishing up “one more thing” at home.)
❚ 7. Envision how you’ll feel being late. How is the other person going to feel? How is the employer going to feel or the teacher? How are you going to feel walking in late, especially when there’s a group involved? Imagining the consequences of being late can be very motivating.
If you’re punctual but dealing with someone who’s chronically late, address the tardiness in a one-on-one conversation. “Try to understand where they’re coming from and what challenges they might be facing,” Isip says, and talk about how you can best provide support.
For example, if you’re about to go on a road trip together and leave at 10:30 a.m., plan to check in with each other around 10. “You can see how things are going,” Isip says, and ensure preparations are on time. And be patient: “Like anything, we can’t expect people to change right away.”
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FIRED BECAUSE THEY’RE CHRONICALLY LATE. IT HAS SIGNIFICANT CONSEQUENCES.