Look, but don’t touch

On a rainy Tuesday night, in the comfort of your bed, you see them for the first time. You swipe right on their profile, indicating interest. A moment later, the screen on your phone illuminates with the buzz of a notification, informing you you’ve “matched.” Conversation flows. They’re funny. You make plans to meet up.

But then you start to worry. Do they really look like their pictures? You zoom into a frame; is that a Trump poster in the background? You need more information. So you do what most people with Internet and little self-control do: you Google them.

Online dating makes it easy to connect with potential partners. But as curious and skeptical humans, we mine the web to learn about a person before getting to know them organically. Does our tendency to cyberstalk create an unfair ground for first impressions? And if we are prone to judge someone based on their online self, is it ever a good idea to Google before meeting them?

Virtually vetting someone is similar to reading restaurant reviews before visiting the establishment: a bad Yelp response is comparable to finding a photo of your crush wearing Crocs while holding a selfie stick at a petting zoo. And if we find enough things that turn us off, it can be game over before date one.

According to Glamour, if you come across undesirable qualities in a potential partner, you shouldn’t write them off right away. “Technology makes it very easy to eliminate people on the basis of what, in the grand picture of a relationship, might end up being a pretty negligible point,” Nicole B. Ellison, a professor of information at the University of Michigan, told the magazine. And since a Match. com survey found nearly half of women cancel dates due to something they found online, a lot of love ends before it begins.

But if you’re a searcher who likes what they see, you can also put a relationship in jeopardy. Stumbling upon a Facebook album of your date’s family Christmas dinner may seem endearing, but it creates a false sense of knowing them. Aw, I can’t wait to meet Grandma! you think, as you plan your wedding on their family farm. Knowing too many personal details beforehand also puts you at risk for blurting out details you haven’t yet been told.

But, if looking like a lurk is a risk you’re willing to take, creep within moderation. A quick LinkedIn scan is acceptable (in Incognito mode, natch), but if you find yourself favouriting a tweet from 2009, you’ve likely gone too far down the virtual rabbit hole.