Make your ‘Victory Lap’ truly count

One of the saddest things that can happen to people is suddenly realizing in the twilight of their lives that they feel a great deal of regret over a life only half lived. Recently we read a book written by palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware.

Over the years Ware had recorded the regrets of her dying patients, and she shared the information in her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed. According to the book, the top disappointment shared by Ware’s patients was, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Many people follow the path that their parents or teachers thought would be best for them and, in so doing, they gave up their own personal dreams. They realize too late that they should have taken the more risky or the more fulfilling job, for example, but for whatever reason didn’t.

This theme runs through a recently published book called Sixty: The Beginning of the End, or the End of the Beginning? by Ian Brown, who happens to be an acquaintance of Jonathan’s (it was also excerpted in this newspaper early in November). After noting his 60th birthday with a long post on Facebook, Brown kept a journal for his entire 61st year and the result seemed to encapsulate the dilemma of his generation: We all seem to be running out of time to achieve what we thought we were going to do when we graduated from college more than half a lifetime ago. It’s even more poignant when you look at the relatively early deaths of some major creative artists who did live the life of their dreams, like Eagles co-founder Glenn Frey or the iconic David Bowie, who passed away at 67 and 69 respectively.

This theme also seems to tie into a Gallup poll that found 70 per cent of people hate their current job, according to the survey results published in a 2011 Forbes article. Clearly, something is not quite right here. For many people, dreams go unfulfilled because of earlier choices they made or avoided making. If you wish to prevent this kind of regret in your life, you need to start making the right choices so you can leave this world with peace of mind.

The second most common regret in Ware’s book was, “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” People deeply regretted spending so much of their lives at work, where the focus was primarily on making money. They wished they had spent more time with their family and friends, and they regretted taking life so seriously all the time.

Always remember the greatest gift you can give to your family is the gift of your time — of you! Many of us tend to forget this; we are so busy just trying to survive that we end up investing most of our time in our jobs.

The third most common regret was, “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.” Many people go through life with their opinions and emotions bottled up inside. They feel they can’t say how they really feel because it might make them look weak. It’s important to tell your kids and your spouse on a regular basis that you love them.

The fourth most common regret was, “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” Long-term friends are priceless. Building these deep relationships takes time and it’s a downright sin to let these connections slip away through neglect or feeling that you are too busy to maintain them. Make longterm relationships a priority in your life because they will pay off large whenever you need them.

The fifth most common regret is, “I wish I had let myself be happier.” It’s unfortunate that many people wake up and realize only late in life that happiness was always up to them to create. Real happiness depends on adopting a lifelong positive attitude. Your happiness also depends not on pursuing some external ideal but on finding it within yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness, and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you’ll be truly happy.

Statements like, “I wish I had made more money” or “I wish I owned more things” didn’t make it into the top five lifetime regrets. Puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?

After reviewing the tapes of your life, you will probably find the most regret will flow from the risks that you did not take, the opportunities that you did not pursue, and the fears that you let control you because you didn’t have the courage to face them. It’s important to realize that fear inhibits us and prevents us from living a wonderful life. While we still have the time, we need to break free of our self-imposed fears; we have to get out of our comfort zone, stop playing it safe and take more risks. Stop being so focused on chasing and maintaining security, and instead focus on chasing opportunity.

It’s a shame to simply endure and complain about life or to miss out on it altogether; instead, take risks and squeeze every bit out of life that you can. Our time on earth is way too short, or maybe it’s better to think of it as too fast. We all know how it ends, so why not do some cool stuff while you still have the chance?

And that’s what your Victory Lap is for — living life to the maximum now that you’re financially secure and while you’re still young enough to enjoy it. Remember, each of us has the power to choose the kind of life we want to live. Choose to be happy or choose to live with regret; the choice is yours alone.