OH, TO HEM WITH IT ALL

It was once trendy for men to mop the sidewalk with the frayed hems of their jeans. The longer the threads of the dragging, baggy denim, the cooler they felt. But that was the early 2000s, and now, a fashion sin on the opposite end of that spectrum is in vogue: men’s pants are too short.

Coinciding with rising sea levels, this is all thanks to Thom Browne, an American designer who made waves when he started hiking hems over a decade ago. Since then shrunken suits have popped up everywhere from the runways of Gucci and Emporio Armani to the racks of H&M.

But I don’t care what Browne, or any Vogue editor says – unless you’re a tap dancer, the honey-Ishrunk-my-pants look is not flattering. There are few things less attractive than a man in floods. But if the Millhouse look is so wrong, what is the ideal length a pair of pants should be?

There are other factors that contribute to ill-fitting pants: a bad tailor who relies on eyeballing over exact measurements; cheap materials that shrink in the wash; the onset of an adult growth spurt. But none of them are acceptable excuses for sporting dress pants-turned-capris.

Fashion-conscious men have taken note of the Rise of the Pant Leg. There’s much debate as to how much break — the amount of fabric creasing where the bottom of the pant meets the shoe — there should be. Fashion blogger Brian Sacawa declares that a no-break pant says, “I’m modern” and “hip,” but only looks best on “slim dudes, short dudes, Italian guys and wannabe Italian guys.” An outdated full break can read as, “I live in my own private and perpetual Jazz Age Lawn Party,” and is best reserved for “older” gentlemen. The popularity of patterned socks are also to blame for shortening hems. It used to be gospel that socks match either pants or shoes, but now colourful pairs match neither; they stand out as their own accessory. While I’m not against them, statement socks should offer only a hint of fun just around the ankle.

In the end, it’s safe to say your pants look best long enough to graze the tops of shoes when standing, and short enough to keep the sidewalks dirty.