HAUNTING TRUTH OF DATING APPS

Thanks to the Tinders and Bumbles of the world, dating has never been easier. It’s easy to swipe left and right, easy to schedule hook-ups, easy to jump into a relationship and perhaps most importantly of all it’s incredibly easy to get the hell out.

And so with the proliferation of dating apps comes the propagation of ghosting: the refined technique that involves ignoring every single text message, archaic phone call or unannounced (and quite alarming) visit to your doorstep after you’ve decided that a person is, actually, not really someone you want to see again.

Maybe you didn’t click, maybe you had to fake it one too many times for them, maybe they looked too much like a parent, or maybe this was all just a hookup and it’s clear you’re in different places. While it would be the mature and more civil thing to simply inform the person you aren’t interested, you know what’s even easier? Ghosting. Early in the game, a disappearring act isn’t so bad. It’s unlikely that a rapport has been built up by the first date, and quite frankly, the other person’s feelings aren’t as consequential to you. Yes, this definitely makes you a jerk, but not as big of a jerk if you pull this magic act after the fourth date. And anyway, after four dates this person probably knows your preferred bagel shop, and could be liable to track you down. Not answering a text is one thing, but a face-to-face encounter will leave you with a sudden inability to form anything resembling a reasonable excuse.

For those to whom ghosting’s reputation seems too unkind, an even more deplorable dating technique (and corresponding term) has popped up: benching. This slick maneuver involves a first date and not much else. You know, when that person you met asks you to lunch with a half-hour warning? Or when they schedule drinks with you every week but have a habit of cancelling last minute because they’re having car trouble? If any of this sounds familiar, you’re being benched.

Sitting a sexual interest on the bench while you peruse for something “better” is really the lowest rung of the cold-heart scale. But if you ever happen to find yourself playing second string, at least you know what to do: just ghost your bencher.