National Post (National Edition)
The council code: tax them ’til it hurts
It is the first principle of that branch of the dismal science we know as municipal economics that as the quality of a service declines, those who use it must be charged more. An associated axiom declares that should a service not be declining fast enough on its own, then municipal authorities may enact provisions to accelerate its impairment and, again, raise the cost to consumers of said service.
Buses not running on time, snarly drivers, too few stops — raise the fares on those few who still “take the bus.” New streetcars, ordered at a cost of billions, not delivered — hike the rates. Garbage collection inefficient and spotty, reduce the number of pickups, bring in a frightful eco regime of garbage “sorting” and ... charge more.
There is no service that cannot be made worse, the rules governing it multiplied, and the fines for improper use grotesquely inflated, while simultaneously raising the costs, direct and indirect, of said service to ratepayers. This is the very core concept of modern metropolitan administration. Perform poorly and less: charge more.
Which brings me to Toronto City Council. This week a study announced that Toronto has some of the worst, wasteful, annoying and stressful gridlock on the continent. It has 10 of the 20 most “consistent stretches of gridlock” in all of Canada.
The Gardiner Expressway (the most ironically labelled road in the world) and the Don Valley Parkway (which earns the old joke too well — you park there) are principal offenders.
Millions of hours are lost crawling along either; gasoline is burnt with no benefit of forward motion; cars age with idling, and placid motorists mutate into the commuter version of raging werewolves, during the “soul-sucking” drive to and from work every day.
The roads in Toronto do not work, and they are not meant to work: that is the first law of transportation management in Toronto.
Should a street with reasonable traffic flow be discovered, municipal leaders race to put out orders for condo construction to begin immediately, and supplement the impediments brought on by construction with the installation of useless bike lanes. Having jammed up a previously open route they can then come down heavily on the poor nit behind the wheel with the no-idling bylaw. It is impossible to commute and not idle in Toronto.
Idling is the mode of Toronto commuting. Hence the no-idling regulations. (See above: municipal economics.)
On no account must the concerns of that poor patsy, the motorist, be given consideration. Getting in or out of Toronto couldn’t be more confounding if they installed mazes on the 401, and either of its two principal entries and exits, the Gardiner and Don Valley, are plainly part of some sadistic lab experiment seeking the outer bounds of human patience.
So naturally, now that it is understood that both these roadways are a perfect misery to those that use them, the first law of municipal economics is called into play.
It is the decision of Toronto City Council that they will be subject to a toll.
It is not enough that these wretched causeways have been paid for a thousand times over by the raft of taxes and fees collected over the years; insurance, sales tax, emission tests, gasoline taxes, and of course now world-saving carbon fees.
It is not enough that they no longer provide the service for which they were designed — basic motion at a reasonable pace. Now motorists are to pay every day for the privilege of mass frustration and anxiety inextricably associated with their use. This is called city planning.
I have an alternate proposal. For every 10 km/h below the posted limit on any highway that drivers are forced to proceed, they should receive a rebate from city authorities. For being forced to process 30 km/h below a posted limit, every driver should receive free downtown parking for a month. When the average speed drops to 50 km/h below the posted limit, say on the Don Valley or the Gardiner, drivers should receive a written apology from City Council and a free full body/engine car wash at some high-end car cleaners. When roads are blocked by marathons sponsored by the big banks, said banks should offer “no fees” on cash machines for a month.
If any repair to a trolley line enters a third year all councillors should be fired and put on pneumatic drill duty till such repairs are finished. And made to Ride the Rocket they so dubiously tout, for life.
Tolls, however, can be charged if the traffic moves as it should move, if and only if, a fortiori, and only then.
I know that this proposal is a miracle of logic and sense and therefore has absolutely no chance of being adopted anywhere in Canada.
From Vancouver to St. John’s the idea that citizens should only be taxed more as things actually improve is a bottomless insult to those who guide and guard our municipal way of life. It has always been thus, and it will always be.
IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO COMMUTE AND NOT IDLE IN TORONTO.