Books&writers INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE MANUAL

Whenever I think of one day having children, specifically daughters, I feel both a sense of fear and excitement. Fear, because it isn’t easy being a girl in this world. But I also envision proudly raising them as little soldiers; feminists with hearts of steel who know and value their worth, even in the face of the most difficult injustice. That gives me hope.

As the child of immigrants and as a woman of colour, this carries twice the weight for me. I grew up in a diverse city, but I’ve also gone to a school that was not so inclusive and work in a field that is not so colourful. I know how important it is to build and carry the tools I need to appreciate not only my own value, but that of the women around me. This is why a strong, female voice that is loud and incisive enough to be heard above others – such as Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s – is sacred. Adichie has been a comforting, confident perspective, operating as a kind of face of feminism today, particularly as a black woman living in the U.S. Within that, she has been a reminder to me and to her many readers that feminism is complicated and personal, but also something we have to work at everyday in our own lives, sometimes in the smallest ways.

The Nigerian writer’s latest book, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, was conceived when Adichie was asked by a friend how to raise her baby girl as a feminist. It is a letter to not only one particular little girl, but to all girls – and all boys. If We Should All Be Feminists, as her famous essay and TedX talk suggest, then how, exactly, should we raise our children to be so?

Adichie’s new book serves not as criteria or a list of skills every woman must have in order to qualify as a feminist; rather it provides tools to help you understand how to respond to situations that call equality into question. But it is first important to note, she writes, that “feminism is always contextual.” Meaning that it is intersectional, and the way one woman chooses to respond to a situation may be completely different than what another considers to be right. This is where Adichie’s two feminist tools come in. First: the premise that “I matter. I matter equally. Not ‘if only.’ Not ‘as long as.’ I matter equally. Full stop.” For this, there is no debate. While Adichie could essentially end her entire manual right there, she adds her second tool: the answer to the question, “can you reverse X and get the same results?”

She uses the example of infidelity to illustrate this question. While it is popular opinion that a woman should leave her husband if he cheats on her, choosing to stay can also be a feminist choice. Adichie writes, “Choosing to forgive him can be a feminist choice because it is not shaped by a gender inequality.” Meaning, essentially, that we can be motivated for different reasons, even if the consequences seem especially significant. Making your own feminist choices may be easy, but judging another woman for her feminism is not so cut-anddried.

Adichie reminds women that motherhood, for example, does not have to be everything to a woman. “Be a full person. Your child will benefit from that,” she writes. “You don’t even have to love your job; you can merely love what your job does for you. Reject the idea of motherhood and work as mutually exclusive.” Another crucial rejection? “Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense,” Adichie writes. “Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something ‘because she is a girl.’ I remember being told as a child to ‘bend down properly while sweeping, like a girl.’ Which meant that sweeping was about being female,” Adichie continues. “I wish I had been told simply ‘bend down and sweep properly because you’ll clean the floor better.’ And I wish my brothers had been told the same thing.” This also applies to cooking. “The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned. Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally have.”

She goes on to remind readers that marriage is not an achievement, likeability is not a requirement to being feminine, and that the oppressed are not saints. It is difficult to find a weak point in Adichie’s letter, written carefully to a friend for whom it is clear she has a deep love. For that reason, A Feminist Manifesto feels like it was personally written to me, and will likely feel as though it was written to you. It is intimate. Its intention is not to lecture or to speak exclusively for mothers raising daughters, but also to fathers, sons and those who may not have – or even plan to have – children. It is for everyone who wants to see a world balanced on equal footing, for whom these “suggestions” can serve as direction or, simply, a record of feminism today – and where it can take us when we no longer label it as something to fear.