Setting a proper date

Of all the awkward human experiences, meeting a new partner’s family is among the most nerve-wracking. Introducing your family to your flame is messy because it has some of the highest stakes of all relationship milestones. Your closest relatives are probably worried your new partner is an identity thief who kicks puppies. And your flame is fixated on making a good impression, because we all know that if someone’s family doesn’t like you, your days are numbered as their boo.

Meeting the relatives is not a pleasant prospect. But if you want a long-term relationship, it has to happen at some point; it would be weird if your wife first met your brother when he gave a toast at your wedding. As such, there are two major schools of thought about when to do familial introductions: Some put it off as long as possible, waiting months – or even years – while others get it over with almost immediately.

I am firmly embedded in the procrastination camp. Do you know how awkward it is for your dad to shake hands with a dude he’s never met, but who’s already sharing a toaster with his daughter? But while delaying the inevitable is probably not advisable, neither is jumping the gun. When you introduce your partner prematurely, you risk wasting everybody’s time.

Years ago, a friend of mine was asked out by a man she met, only to be taken to his family reunion on a first date. They hadn’t even kissed, but she was already eating hotdogs with his nephew in his great aunt’s living room. They dated for two weeks in total, but thanks to his over-zealousness, my friend will forever be the random girl in his family photos.

So, if the first date is far too soon, and certainly, over a year is too tardy, when is the right time to introduce a partner to your parents? The answer is this: you should take someone home at the threemonth mark. Three months is a healthy, happy medium. A 90-day interim between meeting on Tinder and meeting the relatives makes sense. Three months seems like a natural waiting period. It’s long enough for winter to become spring. It’s long enough to tell if your relationship has legs, but it avoids investing a whole year in someone who might hate your sister.

If you’re considering inviting your summer fling for a family barbecue, take a pause; ensure a relationship makes it to the fall before taking home someone you’re falling for.