ONE SINGLE QUESTION

On my favourite episode of The Mindy Project, Dr. Mindy Lahiri directly addresses a handsome stranger with whom she has a sudden romantic interest, “What are you going to do, now? Are you going to meet up with your girlfriend and make out with her?”

The question is hilariously inelegant, and yet, there is a sharpness to its point: it’s impossible to tactfully ask someone if they’re spoken for. The skill with which one would normally derive such information is in sharp decline thanks to the ever expanding use of dating apps. With Tinder, there’s no ambiguity – you know whether someone is on the market the moment you swipe on their profile. Apps take the guesswork out of the equation, but there’s still the question of what happens when you meet a person who catches your attention in real life.

Yes, the idea of explicitly asking the human you met at a bookstore or a barbecue whether they’re available is daunting. In the world of dating, looking interested is about as hip as using the term “hip.” We’re all supposed to act like we’re Chloe Sevigny or something. Yet, the moment we enquire as to someone’s availability in a neutral environment there is no more keeping up an aloof front. Perhaps the only worse option is to over-analyze their use of plural pronouns, wondering if the “we” they refer to involves a partner or a friend group. Plenty of people rarely discuss their paramours. So, unless you ask a direct question, you’re being inefficient.

Yes, asking a question that shows your interest in someone is scary. But do you want to remain enigmatic, or do you want to be happy? That’s why the direct approach is the right approach. Find out if they’re single, then ask them on a date! One of the most common fears associated with asking after an individual’s eligibility is that they’ll answer in the negative. No one likes awkwardness, and the idea of hitting on someone who already has a shared chequing account could be uncomfortable. But, when you take a step back, is there really anything to actually be embarrassed about? Attached people love to be reminded that they’re still hot. They’ll probably take it as a compliment! So, get ready to mingle, and directly ask people if they’re single.