The glamour clamour

What’s more irresistible than a great film? Great gossip. We can’t help it; it’s human nature to whisper, tattle and gawk – especially when celebrities are involved. Tell a star-obsessed fan you cover the TIFF party beat, and their pupils immediately dilate like they’re hopped up on a potent mixture of ecstasy and Dunkaroos. They’ll want to hear about that time Michael Fassbender and Benedict Cumberbatch had a dance-off at Soho House, the time George Clooney threw back more Casamigos tequila shots than even the most booze-hardened partiers, and of course, the party at Patria where Bill Murray led a star-studded conga line to a Whitney Houston soundtrack.

It’s these brief moments of excitement, candour, glamour, absurdity and even scandal that are retold over cocktails for years to come. But what’s your average TIFF party actually like?

There’s a lot of waiting. Celebrities don’t typically like to show up on time for parties; they want to enter a room that’s already full and vibrant. This can be anywhere from 45 minutes to three hours into an event. So it’s up to the rest of us party plebs to stand around awkwardly making small talk, pretending not to care too much about whatever celeb is expected while constantly glancing over our equally antsy conversational partner’s shoulder to see if they’ve arrived yet.

Of course, booze helps – until you realize your only form of hydration for the next 10 days will be one of three sponsored cocktails and the only sustenance will be the trendy hors d’oeuvre of the season. Sooner or later, you’ll notice a significant shift of energy in the room. The party, previously spread across the venue, will not-so-subtly migrate to one corner, with no regard for personal space, because a celebrity has arrived.

The jostle for prime party real estate within reach of an A-lister makes bidding on a detached home in Toronto look like child’s play. Sometimes, at this point, the star will do something interesting. More likely, they’ll stay for their contractually allotted amount of time (sometimes as little as 10 minutes) and disappear promptly into the night while security guards hold off frantic journalists who realized they didn’t get a quote and have nothing to write about because the celebrity turned out to be as interesting as an entirely unremarkable office fern.

There’s no time to sulk, however, because there are still many more parties to attend – not just tonight, but every night for the duration. Oh, the glamour.