Thechatter Rules of engagement

According to 19th century etiquette maven Emily Post, a ring should always be returned when an engagement is broken – no question. And if it seems like that’s an answer that could evolve with time, not so, according to Post’s great-great-granddaughter Anna, a wedding etiquette expert and former spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute. The legacy keeper told brides.com, “there’s no question: it should be returned ... regardless of who called off the wedding.”

Needless to say, that’s placing a lot of value on the ring itself. Far more significant than any love letter or ticket stub, it’s the representation of the ultimate union in a romantic relationship: marriage. So, naturally, it makes sense that when an engagement is called off, the ring goes with it.

Or maybe not, if you happen to follow the Mariah Carey guidebook over Emily Post’s. It’s been just over a year since Carey split from billionaire James Packer, but that hasn’t kept her from proudly sporting the $10 million, 35-carat diamond ring he gave her, even when she’s out and about with current boyfriend Bryan Tanaka.

Now, not every betrother is shelling out even a quarter as much as Packer, but still, an engagement can set you back. As the rule goes, one should spend only two months’ salary on said ring, meaning it’s no Happy Meal. That’s an investment, not only into a quality piece of jewelry, but into a relationship – and, if all goes well, a life together.

But nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, and broken engagements are a dime a dozen. So what is one to do when that costly investment is suddenly stripped of its romantic value?

Keeping it seems like a garish choice befitting of only a diva, but that is mostly due to the romanticism we attach to the object. It’s a bond, but it’s also a proverbial handcuff that says to any passing pedestrian, “This woman is taken.” Once she goes back on the market, wouldn’t it make sense to return that marker? Sure, especially if it holds too many memories.

But, let’s not forget, it’s still a piece of jewelry that has made a comfortable home on your finger. If you’ve moved on, and are able to separate the jewelry from its emotional baggage and wear it proudly, why shouldn’t you?

For all intents and purposes, it was a gift. There is no conditional value, except the archaic, societal one we’ve granted it. At one time, that gift came from a place of great love (and, in Packer’s case, deep pockets). To continue sporting it as not much more than a fashion accessory is not tacky or cruel, but cost-effective and fashionforward. (You can even have the stone reworked into a necklace or a bracelet.)

If you’re worried about constantly having to explain why you’re wearing an engagement ring despite no longer being engaged, just reframe: it’s no longer an engagement ring, it’s just a ring.

In that frame of mind, the real question becomes: why wouldn’t you wear that kind of bling?

In Bogota, Colombia at Leo Restaurante, I am sitting in front of a massive ceramic dinner plate. In the middle there is a tiny smattering of wild rodent meat topped with culantro, a long, cilantro-like plant from the Amazonian rainforest that waves like a peace flag atop the filet. I know this only because the waiter has spent 15 minutes explaining the ingredients. The dish, it should be noted, takes less than two minutes to eat. It is followed by bite-sized servings of pirarucu milk, crushed rainforest ants, Andean tubers and a mystery juice with 16 natural Colombian aphrodisiacs that tastes like hallucinogenic mushrooms – giving a whole new meaning to the idea of high gastronomy.

Having travelled thousands of miles to experience the 13-course tasting menu at the critically acclaimed restaurant, I am hoping for a transcendent culinary experience. But as each course bleeds into the next, the microscopic portions hardly satisfy and, despite the waiter’s lengthy explanations, I still have no idea what I’m eating most of the time. When dessert finally arrives, all I want is a cheeseburger and fries – or at least for someone else at the table to throw their white napkin off their lap and admit that they, too, would prefer to stop at McDonald’s on the way home. However, I’m dining with a group of self-proclaimed foodies. Unsurprisingly, they laugh at the suggestion of McDonald’s as a digestif.

I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to discover this, but the word “foodie” is really just a polite colloquialism for food snob. And as food snobs continue on their march toward total domination of the culinary world, their acceptance into the mainstream has allowed countless elitist ideals to shoe, which Fieri wears regularly) and still enjoy it. Seemingly nonsensical catchphrases flow out of Fieri’s mouth as liberally as the flames that roar up the sides of his shirtsleeves, making him the corniest dad on television.

His cheesy catchphrases may seem arbitrary, but they prove that the man is a genius in the fine art of being understood. When Fieri says “festival of funk,” food snobs are prompted to roll their eyes at the less than accurate culinary descriptor. And yet, one of the most widely used tools in food writing is to relate foods to common experiences, turning the insular act of eating into a commodity ready for public consumption. Fieri distils this idea down to its essence, conjuring the jazzy feeling of a band instead of a cold and concrete object. Suddenly, you know exactly what he’s talking about.

Fieri’s larger-than-life demeanour stands in stark contrast to Anthony Bourdain, the only other on-screen food personality with a bigger following. Bourdain has spent the last 15 years in a serious search of the world for its lesser-known flavours, leaving an army of foodies eager to copy his every move. Call it the Bourdainification of food, but today anyone who has ever considered opening a Yelp account also wants to travel to Japan to taste deadly Japanese Fugu, and sip raw blood soup in a Thai village that overlooks the Andaman Sea.

In a food world characterized by Michelin stars and programming like Bourdain’s Parts Unknown, it is easy