National Post (National Edition)
A true hollow date to try to forget
Holidate
Cast: Emma Roberts,
Luke Bracey Director: John Whitesell Duration: 1 h 43 m Available: Netflix
Holidate is — hmm, I need a new word, some kind of portmanteau, to describe how bad it is. I know! It's horriflix.
It doesn't want to be bad, mind you. It was just written that way. Emma Roberts — who you may remember from the 2018 rom-com Little Italy, and if you don't, how I envy you — plays Sloane, whose domineering mother keeps demanding that she find a man and settle down.
To thwart her, Sloane hits on the plan of spending every holiday — religious and secular — with Jackson, a charming stranger she meets in a post-Christmas clothing-store returns line. Jackson is played by former Home and Away soap star Luke Bracey. He's charming, very Australian and very, um, charming. They hammer out a friends-without-benefits deal.
The hour and 43 minutes that follow — trust me, it just seems longer — find Jackson and Sloane partying at New Year's, hanging out on Valentine's Day, drinking on St. Patrick's Day, attending a Labour Day wedding, etc.
They're slowly falling in love and don't even know it. It's like watching two adorable puppies, except that dogs don't generally discuss the clichés of sappy romcoms while they're in the middle of one, and then follow that up by engaging in those very clichés. Although it would have made Lady and the Tramp a very different movie.
Holidate is trying to be several different films at once. On the surface it looks like a PG-rated Hallmark Christmas tale — lots of ugly sweaters, scenes in malls, mild misunderstandings. Scratch that surface, however, and you'll find Hangover/Bridesmaids levels of raunchy humour, with the pee and poop jokes starting early and culminating in a laxative-themed gag whose punchline sounds like a rejected Stieg Larsson title, The Girl who S--t Her Pants on Halloween.
Sandwiched in between those two layers, like an Oreo cream filling except not as good for you, are all those rom-com moments you know and hate. The ol' morning after where neither party can remember if they actually slept together. That scene where someone drives a car so badly, it's as if they've never actually seen one before. The inadvertently truthful moment, in this case where a character tells Sloane: “You like him. He likes you. These are not real problems.” The “Hey, that guy is from SNL!” cameo.
Along the way, there are no less than three instances of people explaining the concept of the “holidate” to other people, in what looks like a vain attempt to make it a thing. I say vain because it never really caught on after Holidate, the quickly abandoned 2009 reality series about pairs of women switching cities and then dating in them. Nor has the odd use of the term by a hotel or travel site ever caught fire.
But I'm holding out for horriflix to have some real staying power.
Heavens knows there are enough movies out there that fit the description. Bad Christmas rom-com is a whole genre.