Or one-nighter, or FWB — do you know the difference?
Women have clearer understanding than men of four relationship types
Women who’ve had sex are better than men at deciphering the lingo for casual sexual relationships because of the greater risk uncommitted coitus poses to them, a new study says.
A journal article led by University of Ottawa sex researcher Jocelyn Wentland says young women, especially those with sexual experience, are best at identifying popular terms for the casual sex scenarios increasingly common to millennials.
The study, published Monday in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, surveyed more than 800 “highly educated” people below the age of 30.
An online questionnaire, shared mostly via social media, asked participants about their personal sexual experience, and whether they could pick the correct definition for four terms: one-night stand, booty call, f--k buddy and friends with benefits.
Overall, more than 81 per cent of participants got the definitions for each phrase right, and the rate of success was higher for those who had had sex. But women performed better across the board, getting it right 96, 92, 81, and 86 per cent of the time, respectively. Men, on the other hand, scored 92, 84, 71, and 75 per cent on the survey.
“It’s kind of indoctrinated that casual sex is risky for women. It’s risky from a pregnancy perspective, it’s risky from a violence perspective, and it’s risky from a reputation perspective,” Wentland says.
As a result, women who have casual sex are more likely to pay “really close attention” to what a relationship is, and what it isn’t.
The study describes a one-night stand as “sex between strangers or people who do not know each other that well” who’ve usually met at a bar or party while intoxicated. A booty call often involves a late-night drunken text message or phone call that leads to sex between people who do know each other.
Whereas a f--k buddy is someone you know well and have sex with, friends with benefits refers to a relationship that isn’t all about fornication — and that will likely survive as a friendship when the sex stops. Men were more likely to mix up the two terms, with 19 per cent picking the description for f--k buddy when asked about the friends with benefits relationship.
Wentland’s paper is the first to differentiate these two terms. All four terms and the “behaviour scripts” for each were gathered through focus groups in an earlier study. She says her motivation for the studies came from the unreliable terminology being used by others in her field.
“In no other area of literature would you be able to just make up your own definition,” she says.
It’s important that sex researchers know the terms and understand how they’re being used, Wentland says, or else the results of studies will be skewed. Front-line medical workers asking patients about their sexual activities should also be familiar with the terms so they can provide the best possible healthcare recommendations, she says.
Wentland explains casual sexual relationships are the new norm for today’s generation. In the study, of the 89 per cent who reported having had sex, 81 per cent of respondents had had “at least one casual partner.”
Much of that has to do with people now waiting longer to get married and instead concentrating on education and careers, Wentland says. That gives young people, like those in her fourth-year psychology course on human sexuality, time to experiment with different relationships.
“This isn’t new stuff to them. They get it, they know it.”