PETER PAN RETURNS ON LIVE TV
With Christopher Walken as Hook
MOVIES
Big release on Dec. 5: The Pyramid
Big picture: Didn’t people learn anything from the King Tut curse? Nothing good ever comes from exploring an ancient pharaoh’s tomb — unless you’re a lonely creature of darkness looking for a date to the next Monster Mash. In the new horror movie, The Pyramid, a team of naive archeologists uncover an unexplored Egyptian tomb. Of course, they awaken an ancient evil beast, and soon find themselves trapped inside a deadly labyrinth. (Here’s hoping David Bowie’s Goblin King makes a cameo appearance.)
Forecast: What does it say about our society that the first wide release of December — 20 days before Christmas — is about a demonic force unleashed in a decrepit pyramid? C’mon Hollywood! Are you telling me Tim Allen is “too busy” to make Santa Clause 4? And I’d pay good money to see Macaulay Culkin reprise his role as Kevin McCallister, now an agoraphobic 34-year-old father left at home at Christmas in Home Alone 6. (Heck, I’d even take a holiday-horror hybrid called Pyramid Alone, in which Kevin is left behind in an Egyptian tomb during a family vacation.)
TV
Big events: Peter Pan Live! (Dec. 4, NBC/Citytv); The Librarians (Dec. 7, Space)
Big picture: The eccentric Christopher Walken in a live, three-hour musical! Practically. Anything. Can. Happen. Walken plays the dastardly Captain Hook. But if he decides to “mix it up” halfway through and starts spouting out the lines of Peter Pan — or, better yet, Tinker Bell — there is nothing TV executives can do about it. Awesome.
The special will be staged in an aircraft hangar, so that Allison Williams’ Peter has extra room to “fly.” Of course, Walken won’t need any help in that department; he naturally seems high as a kite.
Meanwhile, The Librarians explains why our nerdy, literary overseers are always telling us to whisper. Underneath all those bookshelves, they have a secret base from which they hunt for ancient artifacts and battle the supernatural — or at least they do in New York. In this new drama, the covert bookworms must also confront an organization called the Serpent Brotherhood (which sounds a lot like Cobra). These librarians are essentially G.I. Joe armed with dusty manuscripts instead of semi-automatics. Rebecca Romijn (who doesn’t look like any librarian I know), Noah Wyle (ditto) and John Larroquette co-star. The premiere serves up back-toback episodes.
Forecast: It’s Christmas come early this year for the world’s librarians — and one Walken fanatic who happens to write a pop culture column. Personally, I can’t wait for Captain Hook to ask for “more cowbell” during one of the elaborate Peter Pan musical numbers.
Honourable mention: How Murray Saved Christmas (Dec. 5, NBC/ Citytv). It’s been a long time since somebody new has saved Christmas. For those who remember 1988, Ernest did a pretty good job of it. Apparently, the ever-adorable pink monster Elmo “saved Christmas” in a 1996 special. Tim Allen has pulled it off thrice as newbie Saint Nick. But we get a new hero in the debut of this animated holiday musical special, featuring voices like Jason Alexander and John Ratzenberger. The titular Murray (Jerry Stiller) is a cranky deli owner forced to fill in for Santa; coincidentally, my lifelong dream is to receive a pork chop in my stocking.
MUSIC
Big releases on Dec. 2: She & Him (Classics); Wu-Tang Clan (A Better Tomorrow)
Big picture: Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward return with their timeless brand of retro pop, covering classics like Unchained Melody and Time After Time. The duo cranks up the nostalgic charm with this light, breezy collection — suitable for holiday gatherings for those already sick of listening to Christmas carols. ( Ward even steals lead vocals for an excellent cover of She). Meanwhile, hiphop super group Wu-Tang Clan are back with their first album in seven years. (Am I the only one who would have loved to see them match She & Him track for track, putting their own spin on American Songbook classics?)
Forecast: She & Him have started a trend. This year brought us You and Me, Dallas Green and Pink’s popular collaboration. In the near future, I predict a slew of duos that sound like they were named by a two-year-old: Them & Us, It & It, They & We, I& I, Chris & Chris (my inevitable duet album with Christopher Walken).
Honourable mention: AC/DC (Rock Or Bust). Sure, their drummer was in court for allegedly making death threats, charges that were dropped. But, for the Australian rockers, the show must go on. Their first album in six years delivers a vintage brand of hard rock. Tracks like Play Ball, Miss Adventure and Rock the Blues Away prove the group is still capable of shaking us all night long.